December 20, 2011
In sobriety, we begin to interact with the world around us again. We stop isolating ourselves and start living an actual life. When we was using we felt it necessary to stay away from anyone and everyone unless they were somehow involved in our addiction. We kept around people like us or those who hadn’t noticed that our skin had turned to a pale gray color and we looked as if we was the walking dead. In recovery, we stick with people like us as well only they have something we want and we are willing to find out what it is.
After time into our addiction, it was hard to hide what we was doing. More and more people begin to notice that we have lost weight and that our eyes had dark black bags under them from lack of sleep and repeated drug/alcohol abuse. I wore long sleeve shirts all year round trying to hide the track marks I had created sticking myself repeatedly with the needle trying to find a vein. I was so tired of looking in the mirror seeing the person I had become.
Is there really a life out there for me without drugs? I asked myself that question often and I always came up with an answer that suited me for the time being. It really isn’t that bad, I am no junkie. Telling myself, lying to myself actually, time and time again because I was scared to stop. I was scared to know what life was like without drugs. It had been so long that I couldn’t remember what life was without them.
In recovery my life has become well rounded. The longer I stay sober, the more I feel and the more comfortable I become with myself. I don’t have to hide in the bedroom anymore and worry about someone seeing me that way. NA/AA opens the doors to a whole new way of life. A life without slavery to drugs. They teach us how to believe in ourselves, how to face life on lifes terms.
I have grown in recovery to discover new horizons, to dream and to explore and attain those dreams. I no longer feel as if I am different from everyone else out there and I don’t have to turn to drugs/alcohol to mask those feelings. The steps of AA/NA have restored the missing ingredient in my spirit. I feel alive again and the longer I maintain my sobriety the easier it gets to enjoy my new found freedom. The freedom from the bondage of drugs and alcohol. I am completely comfortable in my own skin and I don’t require a mood or mind-altering substance to obtain that comfortness. Stick around and do what they suggest cause it is all worth it and you too will soon see that.