April 15, 2012
Days Like This,,,,On The Edge
Submitted by Hrmnhlpdaly on April 14th, 2012
Yep, I have days like this.
Looking over that edge, its not a pretty sight, I know, Ive seen it, several times.
I’ve jumped off of it also, and had to crawl back,,, over broken glass, though the filthy streets, through the swamps of my mind, covered in mud,,,covered in blood,,,broken and beaten, shredded and torn,,,I’ve always crawled back always by the hardest.
And it kept getting harder and harder to come back, each time I went out.
This time Ive been clean for a while, but I’m still just a moment, a drink, a toke, or a smoke from slipping away, so I do what I need too every time it happens, or I start to feel bad shit, I reach out and talk to somebody like you, just like me, just like all of us here, and all over the world, the ones who need each other to stay clean. And we need you here as much as you need us, because you are stronger than you think,,,we are stronger than we think,,,we are in this together,,,never alone,,,
It has to be this way for me, I’m a drone all alone, mindless and thoughtless, numbed by my drug. I have to reach out cause it gets harder and harder, with each passing moment alone in the fray. My biggest fear now is that if I do it again, if I jump off that cliff, just one more lil time, just for a taste of the death that it wreaks, for what seems to be pleasure but is nothing but poison, and have to begin the long painful crawl back, through all of the shit I’ve been through before, will I get close the the ledge, and reach up again, only for that ledge to crumble apart in my hands, with nothing left to grab onto. That is my fear, I’m really not sure, if there’ll be anything left in me, to make it all the way back. Thats the only fear, I need with me always, the fear that keeps me from jumping, into the deep abyss again.