I heard the news tonight that a friend of mine has just passed away.  He had cancer and although it really upset me at first, I know that he is now spared the pain and misery and may he rest forever in peace.  I have been sitting up all night reflecting on the days we were close friends.  It was during my twenties when wild parties and free flowing alcohol was all part of the fun.  I am in awe of how my life has changed since then.

During my late thirties, the alcohol had started taking its toll on my health and my life.  After a near death attempt at trying to stop cold turkey, I booked myself into rehab and stayed sober for the next eight years.  The first thing I did on leaving rehab was to visit the local AA group but unfortunately the lack of support from my family and a personal problem I had with the chairperson, hurting my pride and threatening my ego, I stopped going to meetings.  I threw myself into working flat out all day in a demanding job, returning home in the evenings to do housework and raising my two sons as a single mother.  I was miserable, unhappy and lonely.

When the shit hit the fan – divorce, bad health, depression and the loss of my job – I did what any untreated alcoholic would do – went on the band wagon again.  For the next six years I was in and out of relationships, in and out of hospitals and even a visit back to rehab could not stop me from relapsing.  Just over two years ago, my appendix decided to take a trip behind the back of my colon and burst.  It took the doctors three days and an MRI scan to pick up the problem but by then my whole system was poisoned.  The next two months of recovery from surgery, carrying around a vacuum attached to my stomach, was my saving grace.  I had time to take stock of my life and realized I had to take a second chance at recovery.

I found an online AA meeting and by the grace of God have been sober since.  I have learnt that the drink is only a symptom of alcoholism.  There are other underlying causes for my disease.  So how has my life changed?

• I have a program which I follow to the best of my ability on a daily basis.
• Pride and ego has no place in my decisions today.
• I am willing to go to any lengths to keep my sobriety.
• I strive to stay open minded and honest with myself and others.
• I take any bad situation and change it into an opportunity to grow.
• I turn negative thoughts into positive thoughts which lead to positive action.
• I do not blame anyone for my wrong doings – only me.
• I have forgiven my past and learnt from my mistakes.
• I have made my amends to those I have hurt and continue to do so if I am at fault.
• I live for today and do not try and foresee future expectations.
• I tolerate those who ridicule me for they do not understand.
• I still have my problems but I have the tools to cope with them.
• I am growing a little more spiritual each day through prayer and meditation.
• I follow positive people and read and listen to motivational material.
• I try and maintain an attitude of gratitude and live life on life’s terms.

I feel blessed today.  I have nothing materialistic but I have my sobriety and my sanity.  I no longer live in fear and hopelessness.  I know in my heart that I am doing the best that I can at this moment and this is exactly where I am supposed to be at this time and place.  Outside circumstances I cannot change, but I am changing what I can and that is me, from the inside out. 

So I once was a rebel and a troublemaker,  I probably am still a bit crazy and others may see me as a misfit and a round peg  - but I am doing my little bit to change the world.  I have made my pledge:

 I am responsible.

When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help,

I want the hand of AA always to be there.

And for that: I am responsible.

It has been really tough getting out of the house since then, but I have managed to go to meetings, meet my sponsees, and call my sponsor.

I realized that I have been trying to pray the pain away. I’ve tried to manage my pain by going to meetings and sharing about what’s going on with me. And while those are all good tools to stay sober, the pain still persists.

I wish I could skip to the next chapter of my life. I know rationally that getting over my losses is a process.  If I keep trying to numb the pain with spiritual tools, I’m just going to get frustrated and it’s not going to work.

In an effort to get help, I went to talk to one of the Buddhist monks at the temple I go to. I told him about my pain. I told him how I still missed my ex. That while I understood that I could not keep guessing what I could have done better or differently, I still hurt. I told him that I know I must accept the fact that we are no longer together.

Mr. Monk said that I could try to look at this breakup as a gift. He quickly made sure I knew that it is going to take time to start seeing it that way, if ever, but to try anyway. He said to thank my ex during my meditation for this gift of spiritual growth.

I often pray that my ex partner finds true happiness and love. My sponsor told me if that if I truly love my ex, I would want him to be happy even if his happiness was not with me.

So how do I get back to my “normal”? I know that using any mind-altering substances would only cover up the problem and eventually make it bigger. How do you cope with loss? How do you get over losing who you thought was going to be with you for the rest of your/his life? I don’t know.

I recently read “You cannot lose what was never yours.” Somehow I try to find comfort in that thought.

Eventually we are shown that we must get honest, or we will use again. A secret is a reservation. We all have secrets right? Some of them may be little secrets that wouldn’t cause us much embarrassment and some are big secrets which is a whole area of our lives that is cloaked in darkness. The bigger the secret the more dangerous it is to our recovery. Don’t think thought that the little secrets don’t do there damage as well though, cause they do. We may feel as if these little secrets are harmless to us, but they do affect our recovery and they do keep us sick. They are a type of reservation to us in our recovery. Big or little secrets represent spiritual territory that we are unwilling to surrender to the principles of recovery. That will keep you sick and will eventually cause you to relapse if you don’t do something about them. No-one says we have to run and shout our secrets to the world from atop a mountain, we just need to share them with someone, at least one person and our Higher Power(God) in order to get them out of us and be willing to totally surrender to the principles of this program. The longer we reserve these little pieces of our lives to be ruled by “self-will” and the more we hold on to them, the more damage we are doing to ourselves and our recovery. Gradually these areas of our lives began to expand, they grow from a mole hill to a mountain and eventually take more and more ground in our lives and our recovery. Whether these secrets are really big or really small, they will take us to the same place. We must make a choice, we either surrender EVERYTHING to our program, or we will lose our recovery to it.

We all have stuff from our pasts that happened to us or that we have done that we feel makes us completely unique to everyone else in this world. This holds untrue to those like us in recovery, most of them have been their and done that at some point in there using career. We will come to find that the more we share with others in this program, the more that we find out we aren’t unique in these experiences. We must be willing to let go of all of our reservations in order to recover. We do recover, but we must be rigorously honest from the start. We work the steps to recover and to reach a spiritual awakening so that we can live a life of complete abstinence from any and all mind or mood-altering substances. We must totally surrender to the principles of this program and to our Higher Power(GOD) in order to receive the full benefits this program has to offer us and in order to recover. Do you want the kind of recovery that comes from fully surrendering or do you want a partial recovery that is eventually going to lead you to a relapse and cause you to have to start all over again-that is IF you make it back??? Disclose all of your secrets and your reservations to someone, it can be your sponsor, a member of your support group, or by sharing in a meeting some of the smaller ones, either way disclose them to someone or they will keep you from total recovery. Don’t let a reservation or a secret be the cause of your relapse, now you are aware of the dangers that they create for you in your recovery so now you are equipped with doing something about it. Are we going to test this theory or are we going to use what we have learned in this program and take care of it before it is to late? I, for one am going to do something about it. My recovery and my life are way to important to me to let something such as this take me back out their. This program has some amazing benefits and if your not seeing those benefits, then maybe, just maybe you have some secrets that you havn’t shared or some reservations your not willing to be honest about. This program requires us to be rigorously honest in order for it to work, it doesn’t say shout them to the world, but it does say to share them with someone. That someone should include an actual human being in recovery and your Higher Power(GOD).

In Toronto, agnostic AA groups (a proud part of the AA fold since 1978) were carrying the message to nonbelievers and providing a haven of like-minded alcoholics for long-timers that never did find a God they understood.  Some believers don’t like the idea of agnostic AA and stay away. In Toronto, intolerant believers saw the presence of agnostic groups in the meeting directory as a treat to the newcomer and the sustainability of their brand of the AA message. So Intergroup[ii] tossed the agnostic groups from the directory and the Intergroup steering committee stricken the agnostic groups from participation on the Intergroup floor, leaving no means of appeal – at least not by the directly affected parties.

Indianapolis, Des Moines and from what I hear, Boston have wrestled with this same bigotry which, like all intolerance is based in fear.  Bill Wilson’s AA was and is one of reducing barriers to entry – not putting them up. In a Toronto General Service District Committee meeting the following essay was presented as a discussion piece on AA’s Twelve Concepts:

Concept V[iii]: “Through our world service structure, a traditional “Right of Appeal” ought to prevail, thus assuring that minority opinion will be heard and that petitions for the redress of personal grievances will be carefully considered.”

Bill W quotes a French nobleman, De Touquerville who visited North America to witness the new Republic. As noted by Wilson, the nobleman expressed that, “the greatest threat to democracy would always be the tyranny of apathetic, self-seeking, uninformed or angry majorities. Only a truly dedicated citizenry, willing to protect and conserve minority rights and opinion, could guarantee the existence of a free and democratic society.”

When unpopular opinions are forbidden and minorities are scapegoats, De Touchqerville would view these signals as a society in decay. Are we a “truly dedicated citizenry?” Is AA in our area apathetic? Have we ever been part of a self-seeking, uninformed or angry majority that imposed our will on a minority?  Concept V – the minority opinion, is our best chance of not falling prey to this kind of complacency.

The General Service Conference may seem like they take forever to get anything done. Hearing the opinion of the minority is something that AA goes to great lengths to ensure.  Often when a two-thirds vote could easily be obtained the floor agonizingly waits to hear what everyone has to say. The minority can alter the will of the majority.

Barry L, author of “Do You Think You’re Different” and “Living Sober” was a GSO staff member in 1973 and 1974 and tells of the story when the Conference had to decide if Gay meetings could be so identified in AA directories. The mood of the floor was dead-set against the idea. Remember that homosexuality was still a felony and gay men and women were spoken of as deviants.

In Barry’s 1985 World Conference talk in Montreal he recalls, “The discussion in 1974 went back and forth, back and forth for two days and two nights. Much of the agenda was whipped out. I remember one man saying, ‘I guess if this year you list the sex deviants, next year you’ll list the rapists AA groups.’

“A delightful woman from one of the northern States or maybe Canada, standing about three feet tall, came to the middle microphone and pulled it down to her face and said, ‘Where I come from alcoholics are considered deviants.’  The chairman astutely saw that the mood of the floor had changed and he asked if anyone wanted to call the question. The vote was cast and only two delegates voted against the gay and lesbian groups; it was almost unanimous, 129 votes to two.[iv]”

Every generation thinks it has found some new threat to AA sustainability.  If I was to bring up the topic of a group changing the wording of the Twelve Steps, you might think I am talking about AA literalists vs agnostic groups at Toronto Intergroup Circa: 2011. While it is true that here in Toronto, what the minority calls “group autonomy,” a resounding majority of Toronto Intergroup reps call grounds for dismissal, 55 years ago, AA had a different attitude towards minority rights and group autonomy.

A poignant story comes from “AA Comes of Age.” In the mid 1950s AA was reaching alcoholics around the world, where the God belief that dominates AA culture was not shared by many. Bill Wilson was quite clear about the liberty for individual groups in his Chapter on Unity from “A. A. Comes of Age.”  On page 81 he is talking about Buddhists who said that they would love to be part of AA, yet they would be replacing the word “god” with “good” so that the practice of the Steps could be compatible with their atheistic belief. In 1957, Bill writes:

“To some of us, the idea of substituting ‘good’ for ‘God’ in the Twelve Steps will seem like a watering down of A.A.’s message. But here we must remember that A.A.’s Steps are suggestions only. A belief in them, as they stand, is not at all a requirement for membership among us. This liberty has made A.A. available to thousands who never would have tried at all had we insisted on the Twelve Steps just as written.”

Today’s Toronto Intergroup convincingly disagrees with our cofounder. Voting out atheists has surely increased the popularity of Intergroup participation. Intergroup is generally represented by 40 to 50 of Toronto’s 200+ groups. We got 82 bums in seats to keep two nonconforming groups from returning to Intergroup participation and to vote out a new deviant group.

AA stewards have come out of the woodwork to see and participate in AA democracy – or at least AA democracy minus Concept V. When agnostics were first banished from the meeting list last May, AA’s “Right of Appeal” might have included this reading of AA history from Comes of Age. The reading might have made it clear that the exact wording of our Twelve Steps are neither law nor orthodoxy. Intergroup could have been reminded that not only has it always been permissible for each group to do as it chooses, but this autonomy has always made AA bigger and better, reaching the hand of AA out to all who suffer.

But in May of 2011, the groups that were voted against were voted out of Intergroup. The voice of the minority was buried as the meeting names were stroked off the Intergroup list of members.

The AA Service Manual states that “When a minority considers an issue to be such a grave one that a mistaken decision could seriously affect AA as a whole, it should then charge itself with the duty of presenting a minority report.”

Bill goes on to say, “minorities frequently can be right; that even when they are partly or wholly in error they still perform a most valuable service, when by asserting their ‘Right of Appeal,’ they compel a thorough debate on important issues. The well-heard minority, therefore, is our chief protection against a, misinformed, hasty or angry majority.”

In an AA without Concept V unpopular opinions or ways of doing things are suppressed or eradicated, uniformity replaces unity and our AA becomes a culture of conformity, replacing the tapestry that preceded it. This is the natural consequence of apathetic, self-seeking, uninformed or angry majorities that resist scrutiny. Long live Concept V.

Relaxation in recovery is truly important. Remember it was one of the reasons some of us began to use in the first place, so we must find time for it in our recovery in order to have a healthy, balanced program. Relaxation is not optional in recovery, it is an essential part of it. We can’t be to busy to have time to relax. I know we have busy lives today, but it is important that we take time out of each day to just sit and do nothing but allow our bodys to relax and not worry or think about nothing. For me, I use my meditation time as my relaxation time. If I end up having spare time during the day then I take another 20 to 40 minutes out to just sit and relax. Also, you can do other stuff to relax such as: going for a walk, sitting at the park watching others, reading a good book, meditation is an excellent way to relax (not only are you relaxing but you are also allowing your higher power(God) to connect spiritually with you), and there are several other ways that you can relax. Find something that works for you and take time each day to set aside just for relaxation. There have been studies done that statistically prove that relaxation significantly decreases the use of drugs and alcohol.

Honesty is another part of recovery that should play a role in your relapse prevention strategy. When we were using we had to constantly lie about all kinds of different stuff. We was always manipulating people to get what we wanted in order to have what we needed to keep from being sick. We spent a lot of time coming up with stories to tell others so that we could get money or whatever we needed from them. How many times did we tell our dealers a lie to get a front, how many times did we lie to our families or loved ones or friends to borrow money from that we already owed who knows how much. We lied constantly and now we must be honest in order to succeed in recovery and to maintain a healthy clean and sober life. Relapse prevention should be a big part of your recovery and honesty should be a large part of that. Your closest friends and family members should all know the signs and symptons of relapse so that they can see it happening and warn you so that you are able to stop it before you go out and use. A relapse happens long before you actually start using the drugs/alcohol again. My drug counselor taught me that we relapse before we pick up and if we educate the people closest to us about it, then they can hopefully warn us so that we can do something about it before we pick up again. A mistake that we often make, especially early in recovery, about honest is that we feel we have to be honest about honest people as well. It isn’t our job or our place to point out what is wrong with other people or to take their inventory for them. We have enough on our own plates and need to focus on our own recovery and fix ourselves so that we can help others once we are healthy enough. We spent a lot of time lyeing when we was out their using, so when we come to recovery honesty isn’t going to be so easy at first and it isn’t going to feel natural to us, but we have to do it anyhow. It will get easier with time, just like everything else does with recovery.

Get a home group, a sponsor, and a good support group that you can trust and depend on to be there when you need them. A sponsor is someone who you would like as a teacher to guide you through recovery and the 12 steps. You like this persons recovery and their serenity and that is why your interested in having them as your sponsor. Having a sponsor is extremely important when it comes to working the steps, having a good program in place, creating a good relapse prevention plan, and maintaining sobriety. A good sponsor is there at all times and will always be there. They will guide you through the steps and will help you find good meetings to attend, will introduce you to good, healthy recovering people. Sponsors can be amazing if you allow them to be. They can help you build a solid foundation to your recovery that you can continue to build the rest of your life on. When you are searching for a home group, find one that you feel comfortable witn. A home group is one that is healthy, has some good clean time, and is one that you like. Don’t keep going to a meeting if you don’t like the recovery there. Not all groups have great recovery, and I’m not trying to put anyone else’s recovery down but we all know there is good just as well as bad. When choosing a home group though, find the right group because when you do, recovery becomes a lot easier. It needs to be a group that you connect with and that you find people that you have common interest with. Once you get comfortable with your home group and your support group there are ways you can get the most out of them. Don’t be afraid to share at meetings, getting your stuff out there not only helps you deal with it, but also helps others get well and know that they are dealing with the same things in their recovery. The magic happens when you give back and when you actively participate in the meetings by sharing your problems and your progression with others. It helps to listen to others as well but it doesn’t work one way, you have to be willing to share what is going on inside of you as well. If everyone just sat there waiting for the next person to share then we would all be right back where we started. Some of my favorite meetings are discussion meetings and I can share probably to much sometimes. The amount of meetings you go to is completely and totally up to you. I know some people tell you to go to 90 meetings in 90 days and that may be what you need to do, but you need to go to what makes you comfortable and what works for you. If you feel like you need to go to a meeting then go, and if you feel like you don’t need to go then you may need to go but that is totally up to you. Only you and your sponsor and support group know where you are in your recovery.

Another relapse prevention method is to continue to work the 12 steps and incorporate them into your daily life. The 12 steps are designed to bring us to a spiritual awakening and guide us from drug abuse and an unmanageable lifestyle. If we quit working the steps then our lives will more than likely become unmanageable again. If we incorporate the steps into our lives and continue to take inventory and do the next right things then we are actually preventing relapse without really trying. The steps will continually guide us through our lives as long as we continue to utilize them daily. Relapse prevention has to become a strategy that plays an important role in our lives in order to have a healthy recovery program. Once we put an effective relapse prevention and recovery strategy into play, we will notice changes in our recovery almost immediately. When we set time aside and start relaxing daily, we will see the stress and tension levels in our lives become lessened in just days. Which will also take away some of those cravings or urges that you may possibly still be having. It shows that stress and tension causes cravings and urges to use, so if we effectively create a relapse prevention and follow it and take out the time to relax then we should in turn be able to lessen our cravings and urges to use as a direct result.

Here are some important goals that we should have in our first year of recovery. Use this as a reminder to help you stay on track in your recovery, especially if your just getting started, or if your needing a refresher in your recovery:

•Accept that you have an addiction
•Practice honesty in your life
•Learn to avoid high-risk situations
•Ask for help
•Practice calling friends before you have cravings
•Become actively involved in twelve step groups
•Go to discussion meetings and begin to share
•Get a sponsor and do step work
•Get rid of using friends
•Make time for you and your recovery
•Practice saying no
•Take better care of yourself
•Develop healthy eating and sleeping habits
•Learn to relax and let go of stress
•Discover having fun without using
•“Play the tape forward” to deal with cravings
•Find ways to distract yourself when you have cravings
•Deal with post-acute withdrawal symptoms
•Develop a strategy for social settings where drinking is involved
•Develop tolerance and compassion for yourself and others
•Say goodbye to your addiction
•See yourself as a non-user

I was born in a little African country called Malawi. I don’t remember too much about those childhood years but looking back at family pictures shows how uncomplicated and simple that way of life was. We had a little cottage on the lake and my brother and I spent weekends in dugout canoes, fishing with the locals and exploring the unspoilt, natural wonders of beautiful Lake Malawi. We attended the local school and there was no discrimination of race or social status.

Then circumstances changed my life forever. We left for South Africa – never to return. My parents had no choice but to put me into a boarding school and at the age of seven, I was confused and scared. In a new country torn apart by apartheid, I could not understand why the very same people, who had been my friends, were treated with such disrespect. My parents had always believed in discipline but now my life had a stricter set of rules and I was punished severely if they were not adhered to.  This is where all my emotional insecurities began.

Lack of encouragement and love was my fate. As I grew up, the more I tried to please, the more that was expected of me in return. I learned that nothing you do is ever good enough, however hard you try. Today I can appreciate the fact that I had an opportunity to attend one of the best schools in the country but at the time I felt like I was a misfit amongst my wealthy friends. I never felt that I really belonged anywhere.

First year college introduced a whole new life to me – freedom and alcohol. I thrived on it. I could be whoever I wanted to be and when life threw me lemons, I grabbed the salt and tequila!  The more society put pressure on me, the more I made myself invisible with alcohol. Alcohol gave me confidence and a new meaning to life. Powerful, cunning, baffling – I hid so well behind those bottles that no one, including myself, could see what damage it was actually doing to my life.

When I look back now I can see the progression of my illness. Alcohol dictated who I spent my time with. It became more important than the needs and desires of those I loved. It became more important than my health. Alcohol made me self-abusive and unconsciously abusive toward others. It made me dishonest and disconnected from the world around me. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity I became physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually ill.

Today I am so grateful for recovery. I will not regret my past for that has moulded me into what I am striving to become today. There is no place for resentment in my life. I have taken my inventory, noted my character defects and made my amends and will continue to do so, on a daily basis, so I can grow spiritually. Through prayer I find the courage to face any fears and obstacles that may block my thoughts to a positive attitude. I still have growing pains but I will not wallow in self-pity and ego, but rather put my energy into reaching out to others who are still suffering.

Recovery offers me a simple design for living. In the past I just existed. Life should not be about discrimination of race or wealth but rather compassion, love and kindness. It is not about how hard you fall, but the fact that you get back up and learn from it. I cannot change others opinions and expectations but I can change me – from the inside out. I have learnt to take a deep breathe, put my hand on my heart and smile. It takes just twelve little steps and one day at a time – it really can be so simple and uncomplicated!

Examining my expectations and then letting go of any that weren’t reality based was the first step in removing a lot of stress from my life. I was never satisfied. I always felt that things weren’t up to par, that I was settling for less, that I deserved better but my unique specialness was going unrecognized. I sabotaged perfectly good relationships once the honeymoon glow wore off because I had this crazy idea that True Love ™ always meant feeling madly infatuated every day for the remainder of your days. I thought happiness meant feeling constantly on top of the world.

Nothing ever measured up. At size 6, with my abs showing, a flat belly and a breast lift, working out religiously six days a week, I still thought I was fat.

I published a book, a short story, interviews, articles, and I still thought I was unappreciated and undiscovered as a writer.

I’d receive student evaluations at work, and everybody in my classes would have great things to say about me, except for one student who had a problem. I would obsess over that one student.

My own expectations made me continually resentful and feeling shortchanged by life.

One thing we often did in rehab was to go around the table and announce something we could be grateful for that day. Hokey, I know. But if you do it enough times, the message starts to sink in. Way more things are right than wrong. Count your blessings. Relish them. Learn to be content.

Now, nothing is wrong with expectations as long as you keep them realistic and are aware you are harboring them. Me, I’ve learned to do a subtle shift that has made a lot of difference: turn expectations into hopes. That way I’m not dashed if they don’t come to fruition.

It has done wonders for my peace of mind and for my ability to accept things–and even to appreciate them–just the way they are.

Mean people suck. Period. They suck; ignore them. Who cares what they think?

From The Four Agreements: Don’t take anything personally. That is, “Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” In other words, what other people say and do reflects on THEM, and not on you.

From an AA meeting: “What other people think of me is none of my business.”

There’s really only one way to deal with a mean-spirited person. If they prove over and over again that they cannot be reasoned with and they are living in a state of perpetual dissatisfaction, dis-invite them from your life.

I was always worried about how I was going to get my next fix or how I was going to make it through the next day. Constantly waiting on payday to come so that I could blow every last dollar from my paycheck on dope and not care one single bit about paying any bills or worry about all of the fines that needed to be paid or anything for that matter. It’s funny how it doesn’t matter to us until the cops come knocking on the door with that warrant and then the manipulation kicks in and this mastermind of a story comes out of our mouth that breaks their hearts. Yet, they still put those cold steel bracelets around your wrist entirely to tight and squeeze you into the back of that cop car and haul you off to jail. You some how manage to plead with the judge to let you out and the insanity of it all is that you go right back out there and start doing the same thing all over again and don’t even give it a thought. That is the power of this disease. That is addiction at it’s best right there. Constantly nagging at you until you give in to it, picking at your brain over and over again until you finally just go and get high. Until finally, one day it all just clicks and recovery kicks in and takes over and you fight.

Recovery is about living in today. It is about letting go of the past and not stressing about tomorow. It is about living in the moment, for the moment. Recovery teaches us how to be grateful for who we are and for what we got. It teaches us that we are not bad people we just make bad choices and now that we have an education on how to fight this disease we don’t have to make those choices anymore. We can fight this disease. We have the ammo, we have the firepower and all the support we need is right here beside us helping us all the way. There are so many things in this life to be grateful for these days and being clean and sober is a HUGE one of those.

We have the education and now we have to use it, we have to use that fire power and that ammunition that they give us in the rooms of NA/AA or any recovery program that you may be in to fight against the disease of addiction. It is an extremely powerful disease that has the ability to change our mind at the blink of an eye, we just can’t let it. Let go of the past and don’t worry to much about tomorrow. It will get here when its time for it to come. Live in today and be grateful that you woke up and be grateful that your clean to enjoy this day with your friends and family. Be grateful that you have the opportunities that you have today. Be grateful of the small things in life. Let your friends and loved ones know how grateful you are that they are in your life today and that they stood by you through the best of times and through the worst of times. If for no other reason than to see a smile on their faces.

Here is a lil poem I wrote when I was back in rehab. Today is all we have and recovery is number one in my life and if I remeber this poem daily it helps me out a lot with my attitude and with making it through the day. It has a lot of depth to it if you really read it and are in recovery like most of us are. Hope it helps:

Gratitude…….Just for today

Just for today, I don’t have to have a craving!
Just for today, my life can be absolutely amazing!

Just for today, I have a true power from above!
Just for today, I can show myself and others true love!
…
Just for today, I will live better with society!
Just for today, I can thank that on my sobriety!

Just for today, My drug doesn’t have to kill me!
Just for today, I can let Gods will to be!

Just for today, I don’t have to be rejecting!
Just for today, I can choose to be accepting!

Just for today, I don’t need to be confused!
Just for today, My mind can be amused!

Just for today, I don’t have to have a bad attitude!
Just for today, I can have lots and lots of gratitude!

By: Ronnie Colvin Jr.
It’s all about today and what we do with it while were in it……….