January 13, 2012
Trusting The Process 0
Until a few years ago, I thought that if I only had the right external conditions I would be happy. I tried hard to get to that point, and by most accounts, I did. That still did not bring me happiness.
Addiction rescued me from going crazy by numbing the pain, the emptiness. That solution quickly turned on me. I know now that my addiction was but a symptom of my disease. I spent many years trying to find a chemical solution for a spiritual problem.
I have a disease of perception that tells me I don’t belong, that nobody can possibly understand me. The only way to keep my disease in remission is by staying in a fit, spiritual condition.
I am so glad I have a great support system as I am now facing my biggest challenge: getting to know and love ME as newly single. It’s overwhelming at times.
I’m moving to my own place in a few days, leaving behind a relationship that was the foundation of my being for over a decade. I’m surrendering to the process without resorting to manipulation or holding him hostage. I am allowing him to follow his path, whatever that may be.
I don’t know what my life will look like a year from now. That’s OK, I don’t have to know anymore. I have faith that no matter what happens, I will be OK.
And as for you, all I can say is May you be happy, May you find love, May you live a long life.
