my daily reflections…

bein a classic empath i could always sense a vibe from others. often times that vibe was skewed by my own inept, delusional, perception. i could pick out the dickhead or bitch in another but had difficulty placin myself in such a category. when i came into recovery i found that if i wanted to heal from the things that had brought me to the place i was, i had to look at myself honestly and find the dickhead or bitch within me. as many who may read this whove had this similar experience may imagine, it was not an easy thing to do. findin these characters or shortcomins in others was easily done, but to place them on me, c’mon mannn. pressin forward, actually doin somethin that was gonna benefit me, i trudged forth. with healthy sponsorship, gained trusted friends in recovery, and a newly formed relationship with an HP, i started the journey into findin the dickhead and bitch within me. i learned i had to stop blamin others for the place i had come to. i had to stop blamin others for the person i had become. with personal inventory, i learned it was i, not them, who turned me into the person i was. it was time to stop ridin the blame train and accept responsibility for what and who i was. others in the rooms were an example to me of a better way of livin. i wanted to have what they had in spite of my personal hindrances. they gave me hope that i too could enjoy the freedom they did. they passed onto me the feelin that God has not only created this world but also is still creatin, in and through, every moment of my life. if i wanted this feelin to continue i had to do this personal inventory. i had to stop complicatin this simple process with blame and stick to the basics. my part, my inventory, not everyone elses. i had to stop with the unrealistic ideals and illusions that i couldnt find a solution to my livin problem, a practical solution to my impractical lifestyle. my personal inventory became the price of admission into a new life. this admission price had purchased more than i expected. it brought me a measure of humility, which i soon discovered to be a healer of personal pain. 1 day @ a time...