My name is Jeff, I am an alcoholic in recovery. I have been in and out of recovery since 1989. I have been through the steps in Al Anon twice with two different sponsors and each time, it helped. Sadly, Al Anon does not put much focus on resentments and in 2017, I became very sick when I suddenly remembered a repressed childhood and experienced a psychotic break. Thankfully, I was in recovery at the time and managed to stay there this whole time. My sobriety date is August 18, 2019. Since then, I have been through 3 sponsors in AA and have not completed the 12 and 12 version of the inventory work yet.
Today, the sponsor who I met here mouthed off to me and he is gone. I confessed to him that I had been fighting with people on here and I am no longer go to meetings on this platform. He did not ask, he assumed that I left AA completely and decided he would no longer sponsor me. I called him an asswipe and blocked him.
I am actively looking for a new sponsor. My issues are complicated, my understanding of recovery is beyond what you can learn in a Bigbook. Frankly, I know more about recovery than anyone I have ever spoken to, because I am recovering from so many things and have searched for the answers my entire life. I found them, I know exactly what needs to be done, I need to finish working these steps and clear out all my resentments and unhealthy behaviors. I just need someone safe to do that with, someone who will not judge me and can handle hearing about the horrible things I have experienced, at least some of them. I know how it works, we need to confess. My mind is a burning rollercoaster freak show of regrets. I have a criminal history and horrible boundary issues. I am afraid for anyone who I catch judging me, because I am bitter, spiteful and beaten. I have spent the last 6 years wanting to hurt people and I was much sicker when I first came here.
I am blessed, because I met someone on Facebook who helped me break my obsession for my resentments, helped me "Drop the Rock". She is a therapist in Belgium who I met in a spiritual group and she began following me. One day, she offered me unsolicited advice and I ripped her apart, I attacked her all over social media and wrote her a scathing email. She was hurt, she was afraid, and she took a few days to respond. Then, she gave me Acceptance, more than anyone in recovery ever has. She understood my pain and she knew how much I am hurting. We became friends, and she began treating me for free, her services are worth more than gold to me, she helped heal a large part of my thinking and prepared me for completing the steps. If you are suffering from trauma related issues, please consider contacting Selyna Breeze, link below.
https://www.alwayschoosey...
More than anything, a sponsor is someone who is safe to talk to. Someone who will not judge you or steer you. I sponsor several people and it is a blessing, they end up being my sponsors as I share confessions with them. I have also practiced several religions and it allows me to sponsor people who are Atheist's, Agnostic, Christian or Muslim, etc. with equal understanding and acceptance. I tailor the recovery process to each individuals belief systems and avoid referring to anything that would make them uncomfortable. It is strictly against the terms of my faith to convert people and I encourage people to share from any sources they want in their recovery.
I know that I am still sick, I get triggered easily. I am a highly sensitive person so people who are hurting are safe with me, because I am hurting all the time. If you are willing to be my sponsor, please message me but understand, I am never going to sound like a Bigbook, I cannot, it's too late for me to take that path. Also, If you need a sponsor who can listen without judging, I am very helpful in that way.
I am a very big supporter of sponsorship and feel it is highly underrated. I am over qualified to sponsor AA or any single program, but that does not place me above anyone. I have experienced more than many and I cannot forget what I have learned. That is why I formed a company around sponsorship and recovery, a service and faith based company called Mixed Recovery. I give free listings to people who are specifically safe to speak to. If you would care to be listed, please feel free to contact me. The website does not get much traffic, it may some day.
Thank you for reading and may you all find peace
Rev. Jeff Rounds for Mixed Recovery, Inc.
