When I needed it, I could never find a 'steps to forgiveness' guide; but recently wrote this down for a friend
( this is not about 'forgiving and forgetting' some minor trespass ) :-
To forgive someone who Ruined your Life
Forgiveness = Fore-giveness. You're the First one to Give the other person the right to be exactly who they were. Without it being remotely ok, you accept what did actually happen: the choices they made; that they were a total arsehole, etc.
To get there, you first accept that it was not ok, and you get as angry as you need to be, for as long as it takes. Which could be years.
Getting that angry, helps you accept how badly you were hurt. How much was taken from you. How much you lost and can maybe never get back.
Accepting that is very, very sad. You did not deserve that. You deserve to be loved. The sadness is not depression— you are sad because you have love for your Self. When you accept your sadness and your scorching rage as part of the love you have for your Self, it becomes possible ( sometimes ) to accept your life with all that shit and pain in it. And to go on, feeling hopeful about the future.
Forgiveness is all about you. You deserve it.
Sue C, June 2023
