Blog by annenonimoss
I just did a search here at ITR on “Insomnia.” Most of the discussions that mention the topic are posted in the Narcotics Anonymous group.
Why am I not an addict? I’ve never been drunk or high in my life. But I can so relate the addict state of mind. I feel I belong. Always have. This is a mystery of addition science…I have process addictions, workaholism, etc. The “internal drugstore” that the ACA BRB talks about.
Anyway, I am distressed that the medical world has not come up with better treatment for insomnia and trauma. I’m having a hell of a time finding a therapist. But I’m worth it. I will keep looking.
And as for help with my insomnia…drugs are all the docs offer. And they have made me worse. Just got off my last psych med in July and I think I’m still in withdrawal. Not unheard of. The N.A. and A.A. folks mention something called “PAWS”. I’m going to look it up.
I fear my writing is getting less and less coherent as I deal with my insomnia. It’s so odd. I had a great day yesterday after 5 hours of sleep. Then, last night, I woke up at 2 to go to the bathroom and though I was so sleepy, my body would not sleep.
It almost feels as if the middle of the night is the only time I can face down the demons. It’s hard to explain. But on a sleepless night, if I pay attention, I can sense my vulnerable self. I can sense an “observer” self. During the day, I think all the wake up chemicals distract me, even if I’m dead tired, I don’t “see” the same way in side myself.
Thanks for reading