Blog by deborahsxy

My life here is busy. I did it to myself and I am totally okay with that (it gets real hard sometimes to stay on my path but I manage to keep my mental health in check whilst I walk along).
My youngest knows I am busy, she blamed me for a long time, for having to be there for my grandson and not being there for her when she was 18 years old. She is okay now we talk a lot, about stuff. Anyway, she was like you are my mom so I am gonna “pull a you”… which was odd but I was like okay. She grabbed my hand to feel a lump in her breast. “I am sorry to give you more to worry about she said, but I wanted you to know I am not lying for attention and am going to make an appointment.” and we went through all the things it “could be” and that everything was going to be fine. I will be there for her even if she may have to poke me, which I said to her please say something because I am spread very thin already and I don’t want her to think I am just forgetting about her because I am not. It is hard having kids. and I told her the same thing I am gonna do which is not panic, because it could be nothing.

I shared in the AA meeting on Wednesday because I have been holding on to it myself for a week and needed to let it out so that I could put it in a healthy spot in my mind so as to take care of her while life on life’s terms is going on.

I am so grateful like I said for all of ITR and the family of friends I have experienced here is just a wonderful thing. I did change my narrative I am talking differently about myself and I was hoping that was going to perhaps stop the “roller coaster ride” but I am still doing the loop with hands in the air and that’s okay for in real life I am not allowed to ride coasters anymore 🙁 so why not enjoy the figurative one and let go of the safety bar and let it be…

Thank you ITR for being here to help me learn about myself.

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