6-11-2021 10th year sober reflection... I would love to paint a 'skipping through the tulips' portrait of my journey. While anything is better than what I had become, it didn't stop as soon as I stopped. In other words, there's alot more to healing than putting down the drink. I am still healing. Biggest part of healing for me,is not about me. It's about what I've done to others and the regrets I live with. That is my every single day battle. So much shame and guilt. The time lost that I will never get back. At 60 yrs old, this gets to me. Of course, I am living a life I didn't believe possible but I am real and I am raw. So, when I finally stopped, life became clearer. Feelings were felt - bigtime. Mind more alert. Love was given. Coffee tasted better.. HUGE lol. Let me say that if I hurt you, I am so sorry. I promise I hurt over it too. If you hurt me, forget about it. I forgive you. If you have something to say to me, say it. Be honest. Check your motives. I won't lie. I want to drink now and then, but I also want to hold my head up, which is already hard enough. I know where I'll go if I drink. You dont drink like I did and be ok. Play the tape until the end as they say. THANK YOU. Each and every one of YOU. My family, who tried. Rob who stuck by me. Kenny and RT and this site since 2010. Countless friends both far and near. Some who kept me alive. Some who devastated me and some who saved me. You don't go to treatment, twice to ER, DUI accident that scarred my face, etc., without almost meeting death. You know who you are. Lastly, but most importantly, I thank my my kids. THEY are the reason I keep going when I feel I can't. My days are a struggle with health and finances but they are the reason my feet hit the ground each day and why I stay sober. Of course, it's for me, but, THEY are why I do it for me. My reasons. I saw myself as a little girl and being taken from my mom. I never got over it. Still to this day. She was killed when I was 31 and hadn't seen her since I was 6. We were just about to reunite. Taken from her, not able see it talk to her and I couldn't have it happen again with my life. I saw the cycle happening with ME and I had to break it. I could not lose my children. I had lost so much already and saw it coming. James and Genevieve are my salvation. I love you all in one way or another. Even those who unfriended me for my political views. Lol. The real me. The raw me. All of me.
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Simply a human mom... ANIMALS and CHILDREN are the most innocent. Treat the elderly with respect as they were once us and we are soon them. Hearts and hugs to all the new friends to ITR! I just want to remind ALL to be safe here. Check your motives when reaching out especially to members of the opposite sex. Be careful when chatting. Some have unsavory intentions.90% are beautiful loving souls but just like anywhere In life, proceed with caution. I myself have trusted to quickly.. my wonderful and close connections here far outweigh the negative but boy oh boy the negative still sting.. Thought I would put this out as I've gotten some odd IMs last few days. If you are being harassed please copy/screenshot message and contact owners of site. They're wonderful! Peace

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