one of the reasons i write these every day is because i have seen others who did not take their alcoholism seriously, thinkin they had learned enough, or their alcoholism was so strong they couldnt submit, go on to the bitter end. idk if i was born an alcoholic, but i do know that over time i drank more and more until it became somethin that ruled my life. my alcoholism didnt happen overnight nor does my recovery happen overnight. i drank for a long time until it subtly took control over me instead of me controllin it. with this understandin of my own alcoholic habit and the storys of others, i understand today that i must be just as diligent with my recovery as my alcoholism was with me. oh, i know its still there, alls it would take is one drink, but i aint willin today to take that first final drink. so, this mornin i write this personal daily, honestly remindin myself that my alcoholism is still with me, patiently awaitin me to have a lapse in judgement. ive learned that if i continue to work just as hard daily, and even moment by moment, my spiritual condition will grow into a spiritual awareness that provides me with a continued spiritual experience. today i want to continue gettin better physically and mentally. i know today that my HP will help me live through the day with peace of mind if i continue to submit to my spiritual malady. today i get to take the time to be with me, find peace, love, and truth. it is mine if i just stop. it is mine if i just think the thoughts i want to feel. with each risk i take that benefits my recovery, i gain a certainty that my alcoholism is set back equally. what makes the risks worth takin is the realization that there is no other real choice. as i explore my recovery everythin i discover will help me and possibly others after me who want to recover too. and i get to see the rewards of my hard work every day as i change and grow. ive learned that when i trust my ability to take care of myself daily with the maintenance of my spiritual condition, i develop healthy reasonable tolerance of others, my alcoholism, and myself. self-care is somethin that I benefit from because i understand i am not cured of my disease. self-love is less a feelin than a thousand tiny acts of kindness. 1 day @ a time...
Author
bjsrer
corn fed not inbred michigan white trash...
1 Comment
After 26 years clean of a lifestyle of wretched darkness I honestly am not scared of returning…and that is scary as Hell to me. I knew when I made that decision in April of 1994 that I would never go back to that dark, danky place! Until, I found myself in a relationship with someone I didn’t care to be with any longer because of what was going on in the household.
My drive to accomplish was down to virtually nothing. So, think now son! That’s what my dad would have said to me. Stop. Think. Be still and listen. So often we confuse religion with spirituality and get our head stuck up our butt where there ain’t nothing but a hole of crap we’ve dug ourselves into. Stop. Think. Be still and listen son!
God, what do I do now? Stop. Think. Shut up and listen son!
God gives each of us the spirit of himself within us. What? Yes ma’am! Yes sir! You can call it intuition or 6th sense or whatever you feel comfortable with but, it is there and each of you reading this know it, don’t you? That small voice or gut feeling you get when something is about to go south or often, something great is about to happen! This outcome is based upon what data you’ve been inputting into your brain! If it’s more crap you’ve been putting in your brain you will get more crap out. If it’s positive reinforcing goodness you’ve been inputting then you’ll get that sense of what is coming! Hallelujah! WE CAN CONTROL OUR THOUGHTS AFTERALL!
Yes, I AM not going back to that flippin’ lifestyle ever again…because I will continue to input data in my mind that will not allow me to even consider it! This is accomplished by the power of the spirit living in me!