my daily reflections…

there are still times today i want what i want to get done the way i want it done. the difference from the days of doin my dirt and today is that i consider what it is im askin for. i consider the effect or outcome. i look to see if what it is i am wantin will cause others or myself harm presently or later on. when before i didnt get shit the way i wanted i would do as the big book says on pages 61 through 64. i would either be more demandin or gracious, whichever way i thought would produce the outcome i wanted no matter the harm to another, and sometimes, even myself. and if it didnt work, my whiskey jug was always there to help me work through it. today i live by a different set of principles or guidelines. recovery has taught me that it is ok to want what i want as long as it is healthy emotionally, psychologically, behaviorally, and spiritually. and not always do i get what i want, but this doesnt mean that i throw my ass on the floor, kickin my feet and poundin my fists on it while screamin how it was everybody elses fault i didnt get it. what ive been taught is that there is usually a reason beyond my knowledge that i didnt get it and that i must use the spiritual principles of surrender, tolerance, and acceptance. from followin these simple rules, guidelines, or principles if i may, i get to have and keep an inner happiness and peace of mind i couldnt ever find while throwin my fits. ive learned how to ask my HP how to use recovery as a screen against fret, impatience, worry, my thinkin, and my selfishness. recovery has taught me how to have love and respect for myself by teachin me that unrealistic demands on myself and others was a mask behind which i tried to unhealthily protect my false sense of pride. it taught me to treat pride with respect and be mindful of its destructive attributes. ive learned that perfection is a movin target and that i need to learn from whatever happens when somethin goes wrong, acceptin it, and dealin with it with healthy behaviors and thinkin. recovery has also taught me to share these things with others, gettin their input on them so positive solutions come from them; i do not have to rely totally on self today. when i live as recovery teaches i get to have the sensation of inner happiness and peace of mind. it aint all about me mannn. when i take the time to honor my true needs, i am actually takin time to respect the needs of my soul, livin with the honesty my HP provides. 1 day @ a time...