my daily reflections…

when i came into the rooms, even though i couldnt feel it, i was powerless and that kept me a prisoner of lethargy. i can remember feelin like i had no real purpose. my alcoholism only bred pessimism, anger, hate, and self-worthlessness. as i watched those around me seem to flourish, the recovery they were livin helped me to start realizin my life need not be like this nor did i have to feel like i did within. the true joy and happiness i seen others have was somethin i craved. reality was punchin me in the face and the pain and problems i had were steeped high, deep within. as i dug into recovery with my sponsor, i began to discover the dynamic spirituality of a life without alcohol or drugs. the longer i stayed in the halfway house i was livin in the more inner happiness and self-confidence i discovered. as i blazed my own trail into recovery, there was nothin left for me but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools my sponsor had laid at my feet. as the minutes turned into hours and the hours turned in to days, i started seein beyond the gloom i had been breedin within to the promise, hope, and sunrise of tomorrow. i started seein, and feelin, God, He was all around me; His spirit began to pervade my personal universe. i cannot ever forget those early times of my recovery, they are what keep me goin today. they remind me that the work i did in my early recovery was sometimes slow goin and sometimes too fast to imagine. learnin to live and practice the spiritual principles of recovery then, as small as the steps i was takin, were periods of growth that make me not want to ever go back. those foundational, and fundamental, growth spurts provide for me today an infrastructure interwoven with each spiritual principle. somedays i practice 1 spiritual principle because thats all i can do at the moment, and some days i practice em all. each moment i link my frail nature with the limitless power of my HP, i put into a spiritual account the hope that i will never make a mess of my life through tryin to run it myself again. when i pick up and use the spiritual tools laid at my feet today, i get to live free by puttin all my difficulties in Gods hands and leavin them there. pessimism has turned into confidence, anger has turned into calmness, hate has turned into love, and self-worthlessness has turned into self-usefulness. 1 day @ a time...