my daily reflections…

the sense of humility i needed to learn began with the simple concept of turnin my self-will, my ego, over to a power greater than myself. seemingly not such a hard thing to do with someone like myself who had done the things i had done to others and myself or had had the experiences i had had. what it meant for me in my early recovery, and even before then, throughout my life, was not doin what i wanted, not gettin what i wanted, or livin the way i thought i was owed. therefore, turnin my spiritual malady over was an obstacle i faced that took time to digest. havin some clarity of thought and the desperation to find a different way of life after rehashin, over and over again, without the ease of alcohol to beat back the emotions this rehashin always brought to the forefront of my mind, was difficult. why didnt the guidance and direction of my spiritual malady work for me? the pre-inventories of the reasons that brought me to my knees and early recovery always brought emotions that sucked ass and were hard to face. losin relationships with people, my family, my friends, myself. not bein able to function any more to do the responsibilities of life, go to work, pay bills, live, laugh, or love, forgive. all of these things were things i could no longer do because every time i drank i would make the problems i already faced worse than they were to begin with. why did I have to try to control shit and fuck everythin up? i learned in my early recovery that the purpose, meanin, and destiny to grow and progress couldnt be done by self alone. so, gainin the humility to learn to live forward was somethin that surrender and acceptance helped me with in gainin a relationship with my HP. doubt, fear, self-will, and ego had to be let loose of. when i let go, an aspect of Gods intelligence started livin in me. i began to feel the mind of God at work, in and through, my daily life. i learned that if i started livin in the now, just for the present moment, that His intuitive guidance and direction would not lead me astray. but damn that was hard to do. when i started followin his guidance i could feel the freedom this thing we do said it would provide. the obsession of alcohol started liftin, and most importantly, the obsession i had always had with my self-will and ego. 1 day @ a time...