my daily reflections…

its so easy for me to beat myself up over the mistakes i have made in the past and the ones i make today. guilt is toxic man. relivin the same mistakes over and over again is self-torture to me. why bully myself by constantly criticizin and blamin myself for mistakes ive made or may even make today? recovery is the mechanism for me to break free of this unhealthy cycle of emotional, psychological, behavioral, and spiritual, self-abuse. today i am gonna fail, not always will i be a winner in life. and doesnt recovery give me the knowledge that it is ok to be wrong, that i dont have to know everythin? humility comes to me when i use the spiritual principles throughout the steps to experience a paradigm shift so i may work on me, not other people. the 12 steps help me to reflect, learn, grow, love, and forgive myself. and didnt i do enough of the shit that harmed me while i was out doin my dirt before my recovery began? as painful as failure may be today, it is through simple failure that i learn how to use the humility recovery teaches. today i dont want to remain powerless or helpless over character defects and shortcomins that are meant to destroy me. i dont need to weaponize failure to use as a battle ax to beat myself up with when i do make mistakes. recovery offers me ways to reform the way i think about myself usin healthy spiritual and moral principles that have been tried and are true. they give me the strength and courage to be vulnerable so i can eventually overcome the material and unmoral things i used to use to enforce unhealthy self-esteem. one of the first things is the relationship i have built with my HP. ive learned, that if i cant, He most def can, and will, when i give up control. then there are the steps, placed so eloquently in an order that take me through a process that evenly and completely allow me to build the honesty, hope, faith, courage, integrity, willingness, humility, and love so i can offer justice, persevere, grow, gain spiritual awareness, and serve others. and most importantly, heal. with this process i get to make progress, whether slowly, or quickly. this is how i get to let loose of the ego, guilt, and bullyin that stops me dead in my tracks. i get to learn to accept failure, so i may learn from it and give the love of self-forgiveness. 1 day @ a time...