my daily reflections…

i cannot account for the blessins i have received while in recovery as a result of my own doins. surely it has taken surrender, acceptance, tolerance, honesty, hope, & faith, each of which i had to be willin to do, but to take credit for any of my recovery would only be feedin my spiritual malady and false sense of ego and pride. when i first came into the rooms i didnt know what was in store for me, i honestly thought a life of the doldrums was ahead. even as i felt like i crawled through the stinkiest of shit and found a restin place in the halfway house i was to take up residence in, i was still full of fear of what a future without alcohol would be like. i reckon the shit i had been through while out doin my dirt was just as this mornins readin says, the hand of God seemed heavy and unjust. see, i was blamin God for shit i had done, and that was a lesson i had to learn. in truth, He had provided me a place to find sobriety and a life in recovery. it was a place where i was to learn new lessons for livin, new resources of courage, and finally, inescapably, i had to face the problems i had created and stop blamin Him and others for my own doins. what i thought to be the death of my spirit was the beginnin of it. today, my attitude toward life has changed from one of selfish and self-centered pride, to one of humility and gratitude. in the halfway house i found rest, and in that calm, i found peace of mind. i learned that the emotional upset i thought i was to live only caused me to continue to be useless and ineffective. i learned that the anger i had toward God was misplaced and that when i remained calm He would give me the serenity so that i could do the good work recovery was teachin me to do on myself. i no longer had to wallow in the bitter morass of loneliness and self-pity. i didnt have to live with the negativity and resentment i had trained my mind to think. openin up and listenin to those in meetins provided the haimish seeds for my recovery. today i get to feel honored and appreciative of my ability to take risks in order to enlarge my spiritual life and continue to build balanced and healthy relationships with others, myself, and my HP. His mysterious ways have given me a life i can be proud of. i aint gotta be a prisoner of my own resentments. i aint gotta take the poison and wait for the other person to die. forgiveness unlocked the door and set me free. 1 day @ a time...