my daily reflections…

i have learned through recovery that it is ok to be me. durin my youth i had been made fun of by the people who meant the most to me and that is where the fear of thinkin and actin like the person i was made to be began. when i was introduced to alcohol, havin felt the inhibition flee as i consumed more, that fear engrained from my youth subsided for a short time. i can recall in the days of doin my dirt how i couldnt have the courage to be who i was because of my childhood. instead, some socially awkward ass, me, would show up and destroy the moment, relationship, or occasion, that was meant to be fun and good spirited. i would overdo everythin and end up makin a mess out of it all. after havin those around me shun me, or awakenin the next mornin full of regret, guilt, and remorse for the things i had done the day or night before, i eventually started limitin my exposure to others. recovery showed me that i could have dreams of who i wanted to be and could live to those aspirations. it taught me that if my faith was based on my own experience of the power of God in my life, i could be me, and not harm others or myself. it taught me to have enough self-respect and self-confidence to speak when speakin was needed and to act when action was required. it taught me to take a few moments and think before speakin, it showed me it was ok to feel the release of lettin go, of knowin i was right for me and that it didnt matter what anyone else thought when i was appropriate for the moment or situation. i learned through recovery that bein honest didnt mean that i had to speak everythin i thought or felt, that there was a time for some, and a time for none. i also learned that bein honest meant bein true to livin by what is true to me. i learned that ego didnt have to be a part of the things i spoke, thought, felt, or did. that sometimes havin earnest morals or beliefs could remain barren because im still tryin to play God. sometimes bein an active participant in my own recovery, bein responsible toward self, means that i must be quiet and just listen. i cant do His will my way, but i can be both active and passive in my recovery when the right moments avail themselves. 1 day @ a time...