my daily reflections…

i can recall the insanity of my thinkin and the delusional thoughts that created the illusion that all was well within my world while out doin my dirt. just as this mornins readin says, “where alcohol was concerned, i had been strangely insane”. whether it was the fear of not havin what i needed to make it through what ev perceived danger or celebration i may have been facin without havin my drink/escape or worryin about what others may have been thinkin bout me or may have been doin to me behind my back, i had the queer ideas of what my own personal perception was to guide me through the craziness of joels life. comin into the rooms as broken as i was from my own doins, i felt the sense of relief from that simple act of desperation. as i sat quietly tryina figure out my next move, as the chaos that constantly surrounded me subsided, the insanity that was still my thinkin was still there. even though it may have been lessened because i had slowed the behaviors and actions that cause my thinkin to soar to the heights of insanity, i was still sufferin from the strangely insane thoughts i had about alcohol. those thoughts turned from how i was gonna get my next drink to how was i gonna make it through my day now without alcohol. yes, my alcoholism was alive and well within. today i am blessed with peace of mind. i dont have to worry too much about the pressin issue of gettin a drink to provide that peace of mind. with honesty, hope, faith, and the courage provided through step 4s personal inventory, i have found the reasons why that insanity was there and have used the remainder of the steps spiritual principles to find and live with the peace of mind that my alcoholism used to beg me to live without. personal inventory has alerted me to the needs i must have to live without alcohol and live with my alcoholism. ive admitted my needs and have faith that my HP will meet those needs, in the way, which is best for me. ive learned that the chief factor in my success or failure must be found within my own character. ive accepted the responsibility for developin a good character. i dont have to suffer through the feelins of loneliness and isolation that the insanity of my alcoholism can give me. im NOT alone, as i once was. with a fearless moral inventory, ive learned that swallowin my pride will not get me drunk. that pretty ridiculous individuals insane thinkin that once directed everythin can now follow the healthy direction from others. 1 day @ a time...