my daily reflections…

ive learned through recovery that resentment is a condition or state of mind whereby i relive past event and feel the emotions from that event as if it were happenin right now. resentment is the fuel that feeds the fires of my spiritual malady, my self-will. recovery teaches me that i have options today to let loose the resentment that can come from rememberin past events that didnt go the way i wanted them to. ive learned that an inventory of resentments is a must to puttin them to rest. if i dont know how resentments affect me, or i am not aware of the emotions that any resentment may bring, i cannot work toward healin my emotional, psychological, or spiritual aspects of my life. gettin them down on paper was what my sponsor had me do after questionin if i had any. of course, my ego said no, but when we would talk about certain aspects of my life i would react in anger, blame, fear, anxiety, guilt, shame, remorse, irritability, or chronic negativity. these were clear indications to him that the resentments i had were alive and well within me. i had been blocked from seein each of these with even more spiritual disease like rationalization and justification for my thinkin and behavior. they lay in my unconscious and i had become immune to them because i used them so readily and often; they had become who i was. in findin these things out about myself, i had to learn to practice the solution to them without beginnin to believe myself to be at a level of spiritual enlightenment, or mastery, that any help was far beyond me. i had to learn not to confuse the solutions i was findin as works that i alone had done. that the reason i was beginnin to heal was my HP speakin through my sponsor and the fellowship of recovery. surely, it was i that held the reigns, it was i that had to become willin, but the results were not mine to own. personal inventory taught me what the resentments i had were and the program of recovery showed me how to relieve myself of them. with charity, gratitude, self-love, mindfulness, livin in the now, and admittin my mistakes, i could overcome them with my HPs help. i had to focus on improvin one personal quality at a time, and by doin that i could begin to love myself more, by givin resentment up. 1 day @ a time...