my daily reflections…

when i came into the rooms, i felt like i was the only one who had done the shit i had done to others. i was ashamed, embarrassed, and hurt by the actions i alone committed. i knew there were other alcoholics, but i didnt know they may have done the dirt i had done. i was angry and full of self-loathin. it was hard for me to look at my own image in a mirror. what i found in the rooms were people who had felt similar to how i felt when they first came in as well. and surprisingly, for me, as they shared their storys with me, each promised me that if i did as they had done, i would begin to heal from the devastation i felt within as they had. hunkerin down and becomin willin to let loose those wretched feelins i felt within, the virtues they carried with themselves started to become virtues i wanted to carry too. the disdain of my humiliation had become a well-furnished longanimity, and i found that to suffer a grief that is not merely intense but protracted wasnt somethin i had to do anymore. i found others who were brothers and sisters in my defects, people who felt like i did and had done the things i had done. most importantly i found people who knew how to grow past those nasty, inward, feelins. as i clasp their hands in mine, we began to overcome my alcoholism. i had to let go of my impatience, procrastination, fear, and doubt. i had to learn to trust that God knew the right time for the right results. to my surprise then, it was now. today, with a history of hard work, positive thinkin, and bein open and unblocked i can attract that which is positive and good for me, because of the people who were here before i. i understand today that unless my hands touch others, my recovery program will not survive. this union of hands is one of the miracles of my recoverys success. i understand that if i want God to remove my character defects, ill have to stop doin them. i understand that i cant; God can; ill ask him to. i get to see the beautiful horizons ahead of me on the upward way as i keep goin forward to the more abundant life recovery offers me. 1 day @ a time...