action, on my behalf is what it takes for me to live life with peace of mind. happiness, joyousness, and freedom are gifts bestowed upon me when i get off my ass and start doin what it takes to remain sober and in recovery. thinkin bout it, intendin bout it, laughin bout it, or tellin someone else what they need to do aint what helps me to gain any of the prior emotions mentioned. the best way for me to remain in the pit of shit i create, is to lay in it feelin safe and secure. if i wanna change my thinkin, i gotta change my behavior first. sharin my inner most darkest, deepest secrets, my personal inventory is the 5th step in the program of recovery with which i choose to live. havin found some familiarity with the prior 4 steps, the 5th step is where i get to truly become unhidden and vulnerable. tellin another all of the unresolved feelins of anger and victimization, terminated relationships, unresolved problems, and power plays that had intensified as i continued to ignore em throughout my life helped me to start heelin from them. it was a further step into step 4, becomin able and willin to face and tell another my personal problems meant i wouldnt have to face and deal with that problem alone again. it meant my disease of alcoholism could no longer keep me separate, isolated, and alone. doin this action was the beginnin that allowed me to recognize what the others in recovery had in common with me: the inclusiveness of love, truth, and forgiveness. i could no longer allow the shadow of self-pity to be used against myself. it gave me the integrity to step past the blamin and denial and see my illness as the cheat. responsibility and a deepenin sense of accountability, accompanied by an ever-greater willingness to accept and to act upon clear cut obligations became touchstones for growth in the life of my spirituality. tellin my secrets was another beginnin to cleanin the house of cards i had nourished and fortified with self-centeredness. a new beginnin in my world to get an eternal spring within my bein flowin. new life came from sheddin old skins and pressin through the darkness toward the light. 1 day @ a time...
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