my daily reflections…

not always did i like all the feedback i received from my sponsor. he had the ability to see through the shit i talked and had made myself believe. these ideas and conceptions i had lived by for most of my life were things i truly believed in. they were things i had tried and had found worked for me. as unhealthy as the shit was that my sponsor called me out on, shit i couldnt see, i needed that honest appraisal. i had rationalized and self-justified my thinkin and behavior for so long, that the shit he called me out on, seemed normal to me. early in my recovery i had heard an old timer say dont worry about takin your inventory yet, we will take it for you until you learn how to do it honestly. and what my sponsor did for me was just that. today i look back on that learnin and am very grateful he did it for me. i needed to be set aright even though it may have hurt and pissed me off. from those times and conversations i learned the value of sharin my shit whenever i have a big decision to make. now i will say, early in my recovery, a big decision could have been somethin as simple as walkin to the store or takin the bus. buyin a half gallon of milk or a gallon. i mean really simple decisions were things i needed help with. so, i bounced all kinds of dumb shit off him. the answers he gave were what helped me to form and build the solid foundation of recovery i have today. i learned how to take responsibility for the things that needed to change. as i shared my life with him i learned things about my life that i didnt like and had always hurt me. as i grew the relationship with my HP, i used the spiritual power i was cultivatin to overcome the obstacles i found out about myself, as i shared with my sponsor. and his answers, as much as they honestly may have hurt at the time, in reality, i learned he was bein carin & lovin to me, while bein responsible for his own recovery. the values i used to have, have changed in recovery, as i have become less and less selfish. the value screen through which i viewed life changed. the valuable relationship i built with my sponsor helped me build the relationship i have with my HP today. learnin how to live and seein shit totally different today than in the days of doin my dirt, my life means somethin more than it ever did. whether fearlessly facin shit or facin it full of fear, i have choices to make when i share it with others. 1 day @ a time...