my daily reflections…

for me to have respect for others i had to learn how to love others. learnin how to love others taught me how to love myself, then to accept love from others. i had to learn how to accept myself for the person i was. the personal inventory of step 4 helped me with that. the honesty of step 1, the hope of step 2, and the faith of step 3 helped me to get the courage to do the personal inventory. in learnin how to accept and define the character defects and shortcomins my sponsor and i spoke about durin the 5th step, i found that love was somethin i would have to cultivate. just like the faith of step 3, i had to give love in little pieces. i found that as it was returned, i could begin to respect the people i had harmed in the past, growin respect for myself. it wasnt too hard for me to be hard on myself, i had done that all my life, but doin it with consideration and love, was a new trick. breakin down the anger over the resentments i had carried for a lifetime, an honest look into how the character defects and shortcomins i had nurtured and cared for with the precision of an artist, was a process i needed my sponsor for. i needed his objective point of view. and i ant tryina say what he had to say didnt bother me, cause it did. but learnin how to be open-minded, learnin how to give love, and offer respect, these things recovery had been teachin me in little pieces, started to be used by me. not havin a drink to calm my nerves over the shit i was learnin about me meant i had to use my HP. how could i not be affected by the truth i was learnin and then live with the problems, knowin these statements my sponsor was tellin me were true. it took that love and respect to understand how my spiritual program demanded that i expose the prejudice toward self, for the hate it is, and that i try to pass on the love and respect, that comes from love, acceptance, and freedom. the program of recovery has given me the vehicle for givin and seekin the help i need, its sponsorship. i had to trust my sponsor so i could learn to grow away from the person i didnt want to be anymore. ive learned that God speaks to me through the words of others, my sponsor was one of those people. respect of others came from learnin about me through my sponsors help. the resolution and the willingness to get rid of such overwhelmin compulsions and desires came from all of that learnin. 1 day @ a time...