i am much like anyone else who has a level of fear toward change. even if it is somethin i feel will benefit me in some way, change, causes me fear. change is often found with a degree of the unknown or somethin i feel like i have no control over. when i think about change, there is some fear involved as i know what i might find, and sometimes i dont want to face it. and like this mornins readin says, there is an action that is up to me to do. i must be responsible if i want to change from the days of doin my dirt, to be someone i have never been before. as for grace, which ev way i choose to use it, either in the way i go about doin a personal inventory or the hope that the relationship i continue to form with my HP will provide grace for me as i write down my dirt, His grace is always present. idk if what i write is perfect or not, what i do know is that it is somethin i must do if i want what the others in the rooms tell me is possible. when i can face myself, surrenderin and acceptin what i may find, the humility i see others portray becomes an asset, a spiritual principle, i get to live and experience. i then get to use the relationship with my HP, self, and others, to grow from within, outward. it is a process of elimination from old patterns of behavior and thinkin, toward new and excitin adventures. little by little, moment by moment, day by day, change occurs as i work toward livin my HPs will. i aint gotta stay stuck in my unhealthy alcoholic lifestyle, i can become healthy emotionally, psychologically, behaviorally, and spiritually, livin with my alcoholism in ways that help me and others. change isnt only somethin that i can use as banausic, i can use it to provide opportunities to change from within, outward, in my everyday life that helps others; why not use change to nurture my soul, and hopefully others, with spiritual food. with a bit of effort, i can smile at someone today, even though i may be strugglin within. this is the effort of change that is taken in those little steps for me. recovery has taught me that when i act on faith that i actually have it and can be open to change so it isnt unbearable. 1 day @ a time...
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