i aint any different than anybody else when i sense frustration or fear. both emotions still affect me today, many years into my personal program of recovery. today i handle frustration much differently than i ever did before my recovery began. back then, as this mornins readin says, i reacted to it more strongly than others. today, havin learned that frustration isnt somethin that i need to let control me because of a perceived or unknown fear, i react to it contrastingly different. i still feel it, but i dont let it control me near like it used to. ive learned that cooperation and understandin go much farther than throwin a fit and runnin my mouth. quick prayer and meditation are the tools i use, tools recovery taught me. i no longer want to repeat the same mistakes over and over again. today i take the time to slow down and examine the source of my difficulties so that i can move on a path with freedom. when i let frustration put me in a state of confusion, its not hard to trip, stumble, and bump into even more of my character defects and shortcomins. and it continues to happen until i shine a light on the truth of why a particular thing is botherin me. i need the courage and strength of my HP to help guide me through the wisdom i have gained through experience in recovery. left alone, relyin on my willpower, i tend to fail in my attempts to overcome certain frustrations. ive taken some very hard knocks to learn this truth. so long as i place dependence upon self ahead of dependence on my HP, without a willingness to change, i am just a non-drinkin drunk, not relyin upon the steps, traditions, or my HP. in my recovery, and through it, ive learned that when i admit powerlessness, i find power to overcome! its amazin to me how i turn instinctively toward the steps when i feel out of balance today; the spiritual experience i get from the intuitiveness today far exceeds the consequences and repercussions of past actions. recognizin the paradox of powerlessness and self-entrapment has been quite a relief toward freedom from self, most importantly silly frustrations. 1 day @ a time...
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