my daily reflections…

my alcoholic pain was the price of admission into a new way of life, a life in recovery. as bad as it got, as many times as i tried, i could not beat my alcoholism. it showed me that i, as bad ass as i thought i was, wasnt shit. i can look back today and call it a measure of humility, but ifins ya’d asked well into a year and a half of my recovery if it, alcohol, had gotten the best of me, the anger i had within would surely have been let loose on ya. as i worked the steps, as i dug into the problems within that had kept me sick, as i watched others escape their deaths, and as i listened to their story of solution, the fear and frustration i had, began to wane. it took me some time to surrender, learn to tolerate, and then accept that i could never drink again. those days of early recovery were brutal! but i did discover as this mornins readin says, that that measure of humility became a means for me to begin to heal further. when i applied what i was learnin, i found i didnt have time for the petty ass shit i had always found myself wound up in. i didnt have time for it, i had to fix me and that, was hard work. old patterns of behavior and thinkin dont just up n stop, i had to break down and know that if God had brought me as far as He did, there had to be a reason, i had to trust that reason whether i knew what it was or not. the confusion and worry i had, seemed to keep me in the place i was at, and as i look back, i feel like it was a way for my HP to help keep me safe. idk if that makes sense to anybody, but its how i feel about it today. clarity did come though, and i could feel within the progress i had made. through more of that “humility pain”, i found talents that i could use that help me to continue to this day. perseverance dont mean shit if i dont recognize it and become grateful for its patient time. just as i know that its the first drink that starts the shit all over again, its also the first act of humility that i started so long ago in my recovery that has kept me seekin a humbled way of life, acknowledgin my HP and the recovery He has gifted. a couple of take aways from those early days that still live within today are, what is now proved, was once only imagined, and with others, we can do what i could never do alone. 1 day @ a time...