my daily reflections…

i cannot say that i unintentionally deprived myself of Gods help back when i was out doin my dirt. i can say i intentionally did. i was raised in a baptist home and i knew what religion was, i chose to turn my back on it and head out to find my own way. i cannot say while doin my dirt i thought myself religious, but i did get to encounter the limitations of that attitude. i thought i could do it my way and be fine. many times, i did ok, i didnt run into the problems i did later in my active alcoholism. sho nuff i would run into myself, but i could quickly get back up, live through the consequences of my thinkin and actions, and move on. the false pride i had ran deep, and as i progressed in my alcoholism, it grew just as well. as ya may already know, or have guessed, there came a time when it all became too much, and i had to change the direction my life was goin. recovery taught me that it wasnt all bad to have forms of pride in my life. what i learned was bad, was how i used pride, especially false pride, to form a persona within my mind that i was better than others, and even worse yet, better than God, not needin recovery at all. this is a warnin sign that i have gone beyond the limits of humility and am gonna start down a path ive seen many go down and fail miserably. whenever i begin to feel a false sense of pride grow within, i do not need to make it worse by thinkin toplofty about it in my mind or go to tryna feel it out with my emotions. i need to accept what is goin on, not add to the pain with stressful thinkin, and immediately give it over to my HP. ya know, i aint tryna go back to the days of doin my dirt, i want to heal from those times and move forward rightly. thats why the relationship i have with my HP is so important. it allows me to know and feel when im tryna live beyond my capacity or my recovery. since ive created a harmonious life with the consistent practice of all that my HP and recovery promotes, forgiveness, surrender, appreciation, lovin kindness, compassion, and empathy, why would i want to destroy that harmony by usin pride falsely. ive learned that the more i feel in harmony with my HP, recovery, and myself, the greater my capacity to assist others, and live with em in harmony. today i understand that humility is dependence on God, and false pride is independence of Him. 1 day @ a time...