my daily reflections…

givin forgiveness, hope, or love to another never came as a thought to me when i was out doin my dirt. it couldnt, because i knew it would cost me, in some way. it may even let someone in, so they could see who i was. so why not make em pay if they wanted it from me. hell man, givin anythin, to anybody, always cost em, it didnt matter what it was. and if it was material, a kind word, an emotion, a kind act, what ev it may have been, it came at a price owed to me to the one receivin it. recovery taught me that the things i give away today do not necessarily have to be material. if they are, what does it truly cost me? when i came into the rooms i had nothin. what i did have was a broken down dirty, paper grocery sack with dirty clothes in it. on the inside, i didnt have anythin either. just a broken ego, broken heart, and broken thought process. ive come a long way since then. so why not give what i can, livin humility as my HP prescribes? givin to the program today doesnt cost me much, and if it does, what ev it is aint gonna come with me when i leave this earth any way. the only things i get to take with me are things within, and to be honest, when its my time, i hope ive passed as much of it on to another as i could. today, speakin of givin what i can, whether material, physical, emotional, or spiritual, it is my hope that what i do give to others shows the work i have done through the power of my HP and recovery. as i seek to create my life on a daily basis it is my hope that i live what i perceive my HPs will is, givin the wisdom, knowledge, and experience, so that it may produce hope for another. not rushin, but keepin movin forward in my recovery through the unseen setback of any given day, it is my hope that i show others how God works through me. head in da cloud spiritually, feet on da ground physically. collectin what i need from times quiet to come back to myself with my HP, i get restored so i may continue to give freely. i reckon rememberin what it felt like to be without defense against the first drink, ive learned that the ultimate defense against the first drink is a spiritual one. givin what i can when i can, without question or reward, i get to receive the peace of mind i always sought. 1 day @ a time...