today i get to understand that the shit i had done in the past, the way i had treated others and myself, held consequences. at the time i may have been doin all the shit that fulfilled my self-absorbed want, i may not have seen the consequences, and if i did, i more than likely ignored them or did not care. it was always all about me; gettin what i wanted the way i wanted, the rest could go on ahead and be damned. responsibility toward others was not of my concern unless it meant gettin from them my will or want. today, ive faced the consequences of those behaviors and thinkin, im blessed that recovery showed me a way to gain a relationship with an HP so i could follow through with the requirements needed for successful consummation of the 12 spiritual principles and healin they provided. responsibility means somethin different to me today than it did prior to my recovery. i remember sittin with my sponsor for the first time and him askin me what my priorities in life were. i recall tellin a whole mess of shit about me before namin anythin else. he looked at me and told me, thats been your problem your whole life joel, your priorities have always been fucked up. he suggested takin me from the top of the list of priorities and placin me under a few other things. he said, since ya got a God problem, place God as the #1 priority and place recovery 2nd. then, maybe service toward others, instead of you, you, you. he said everythin would then fit into its proper place accordingly. it was a lesson in takin responsibility for the well-bein of others while at the same time bein accountable for the full consequences of my past acts. it meant that i had to learn to live my life in the light of difference and keep my eye singly trained away from self-centeredness. today i intentionally find the lessons in seemingly random occurrences so i can use what ive learned from the personal inventory of step 8, so, from its knowledge, i can create wisdom. from the consequences of the past i am responsible. i get to live recovery that has given me new options. they guarantee me that every burden will be lightened when i am held with healthy and balanced self-accountability. the knowledge that joy and peace of mind is inherent, within every experience, is mine, now and forever. ive opened a door of faith, responsibility, brotherly love, integrity, and justice, which to all appearances, used to be closed and locked. it is the way responsibility works toward faith that works. 1 day @ a time...
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corn fed not inbred michigan white trash...

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