with time in recovery i like to think i have been able to build the qualities of good judgment, a careful sense of timin, courage, and prudence. i know i did not have any clue of what any of these character assets meant when i first came into recovery. i can recollect tellin my sponsor how i was gonna make certain amends before i was at step 9 in the process of the steps. i can also recollect him laughin at me and tellin me to slow the fuck down. he told me of some of the dangers in rushin into such an undertakin without havin the proper tools forged. he told me that hastenin such a thing was just the same as me takin the reins in my recovery and ask me if i remembered what happens when i try to run the show alone. i can also remember him tellin me to let go of my ego and pride and continue to build the relationship i had started with my HP. he told me that when the time was right, and that wouldnt be until i had worked each step up to step 9, i could then move forward with the amends process. i look back at that early lesson and am glad he laughed, i am glad the other old timers in the meetins i attended spoke up and laughed as well. it was those early warnins of chidin and admonishment, done with love and meant to hit me straight in my ego and false pride, that helped me to stop usin my thinkin and change my behavior. today, ive learned how to use the spiritual principles of good judgment, a careful sense of timin, courage, and prudence, to live a life that hopefully brings peace where there is discord or conciliation where there is conflict. i do this because of those early dress downs and tutelage. i needed to have em in early recovery so i could learn to live each moment in the moment. ive been able to learn from lifes challenges; today i understand how those in my early recovery have brought me strength; and that strength has enabled me to survive. today i am willin to face my challenges so that tomorrow i can live with integrity. ive learned little from victory and learned everythin from defeat. i am grateful for all that i have learned from my defeats. those early lessons in recovery have formed the man i am today. 1 day @ a time...
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