my daily reflections…

a majority of the people i associate with today are in recovery. i have friends outside of recovery and do things with em, but most of the shit i do for enjoyment usually involves others in recovery. before i came into the rooms i didnt think i could have a life if i didnt hang around those who partied like i did. i thought life would be borin and i would be friendless. what i found in recovery was just the opposite of those thoughts. while i was workin the 12steps livin em as best as i could i started to change within. i worked on the character defects and shortcomins i had. i was able to find solutions for the anger, hate, loneliness, self-pity, and self-absorption i held so close to my heart. and as i started behavin without those core character flaws; my attitude began to change. livin in the change i was experiencin i began to feel happy within. i gained self-confidence and let go of self-apprehension. as i began to heal from the shit that i held within to keep me down for most of my life, i began to become a friend to myself. i learned how to forgive myself, and most importantly i learned how to love myself in healthy, balanced, positive, ways. as these changes were happenin within, people seen them and i became more open with my emotions. i didnt act out on false senses. the smile i felt on the inside showed on the outside. i started becomin a friend to others and would ya believe, they became friends to me. starkly different from the loneliness and desolation of the days of doin my dirt. i began to be able to voice who i was and not have to be ashamed for it. i began to accept people for who they were, and people accepted me for who i was. relationships of the past healed and new relationship started to form. i cannot say enough how the deep inner personal work of the steps helped me be able to become someone i had never been before. forgive to be forgiven, love to be loved, like to be liked, each were very new to me and today i relish in each. i always felt i never quite belonged, but today, i know i do. i have been granted a way to find a new life through the fellowship of recovery. today, i get to be an active participant in my recovery, in life today, and in the lives of others. 1 day @ a time...