perseverance, to me, means the consistent practice of each of the spiritual principles each day, no matter the circumstance i may be facin. it means that i have been given purpose and must try to remain persistent in my effort to maintain my recovery, especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, discouragement, or self. when i become agitated or distressed my mental faculties can get disrupted. sometimes i can let neurosis become the functional disorder in which feelins of anxiety, obsessional thoughts, compulsive acts, and physical complaints without objective evidence, in various degrees and patterns, dominate my personality. this relatively mild personality disorder typified by excessive anxiety or indecision and a degree of social or interpersonal maladjustment, does come when i am tryin to run the show. though it may be brought on by a source outside of me, it is when i am not in fit spiritual condition that the stimulus causes me problems within. i can overreact, go to runnin my big fat mouth, or behave and act in ways that are not conducive to my recovery. sometimes these things come on fast, without any kind of notice, sometimes they are subtle and come on over a period of time. either way, i have learned through recovery that it is usually because i have let up on my personal spiritual program. sinkin into myself further, i try to fix the problem without reachin out for help, only makin the original problem worse. and sometimes, the faint, yet later very profound, problem blows up in front of me due to my unwittin procrastination. these are the times i get to learn that nothin usually happens by mistake. my HP has this uncanny way of lettin me do my dirt, even while in recovery, in order to teach me a lesson. often the humble pie doesnt taste so good. these are the times i get to understand the purpose for my recovery. i get to find out what within me gets me so fucked up, and then use what recovery teaches to fix me from within outward. i get to learn how right actions in the present moment can help me adjust the problem that is my alcoholism. right action, right now, is many times the best apologies for wrong ones in the past. 1 day @ a time...
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