havin turned my back on God in my late teens, the only time i ever prayed for assistance from Him was when i was in need or in trouble. even with promises made to my santa god, i would never do as i promised if or when He granted me my wishes. and i didnt even understand the concept of acceptance of His will nor, if i did, had the humility to even surrender to it. the only thing that ever happened was that if i didnt get what i wanted or thought i needed, the anger and resentment toward Him was only emboldened and strengthened by my self-pity and self-righteousness. i had no true quality or concept of faith which blocked me from adherence to His subconscious or intuitive voice of reason. today, with a couple days of recovery behind me, i understand the foolishness of the action, behavior, and thinkin of my youth. as a result of a new way of livin, peace, forgiveness, contentment, acceptance, hope, faith, charity, love, new ambition, and the courage to use each to overcome self and fear, which turned me into an angry, hateful, lonely, introvert and self-willed ingrown person, have become the first emotion. today i am open to His divine love and power and can willfully give myself unreservedly to bein used by Him as i acknowledge Him. as prayer and meditation strengthens my relationship with Him, they draw me closer to Him so i can allow Him to work through me; i no longer follow the backwardness of the quality of faith. i am grateful for the kindness from Him i receive and work toward passin it on. as i forgive injuries in my mornin meditation and reflect on those who have shown me kindness, throughout my day, i show kindness, because i need to continue to receive it. i understand that any concept, image, or belief i have of my HP is incomplete. as i sense frustration and try to deny the serenity He provides me when my self-will wants to feed my ego, the understandin that my HP is great fills me. i get to feel the security and joy i find in seekin His voice within, because it has no end. as my relationship with Him grows and the faith im have in Him brings about the spiritual awareness i need to sustain my life, i get to realize how there is nothin outside of me that is so great as He. with a consistent conscious contact, the God of my understandin is more clearly revealed every day of my life. i find humility is not thinkin less of myself but thinkin of myself less. when excitement, depression, or anxiety hands me a force feedin of humble pie, peace of mind and the humility that has evolved within me becomes the nourishin ingredient that provides serenity within. the quality of faith that grows within teaches me just how spiritual awareness is a livin entity i get to enjoy. 1 day @ a time...
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