my daily reflections…

i aint even gonna try to story tell ya’ll, sometimes, i regret the past words i said to people, the behaviors i assaulted them with, and the actions that i justified in doin so. i cant forget those things i said or did. i believe that when i forget my past, im doomed to repeat it. i understand my will, my alcoholism, wants to keep relivin all the shit and keep me stuck in the past. its why im so grateful for what the steps have taught me, to look at me, honestly take stock, change the shit i can, give the rest to God, and live toward a better life usin the spiritual principles of recovery. it has also taught me how to forgive myself, and others, for the shit that happened back in the days before my recovery. if i honestly look at where im at today, and the person ive become, with actual friendships and relationships that mean somethin, i have nothin to be regretful for. i reckon, as long as i get reminders of the person i used to be, i have a better opportunity at not becomin that man again. i can still make mistakes, and thats ok, God made me human so i could. He made me with a butt load of emotions so i can feel my humanness. with the learnin ive been blessed with, just what can i do about the shit that happened yesterday? i reckon the thing for me to do today is live the spiritual principles, as best as i can, so i can make a livin amends for the past dirty deeds. so, thats what i do. i open myself up to my HPs will, open myself up to bein vulnerable, open myself up to remainin humble, all this so i can continue to learn and grow. i wandered so far, thinkin happiness was somewhere else, so ive learned a new truth. i get to think inner happiness, peace of mind, forgiveness, hope, joy, and love, and let those feelins pour over me. whatever i choose to think, to feel, to have, to be, is mine whenever i choose. i believe today my HPs will for me is always better than my own, but i cant see this truth unless i let go enough to venture into the new areas to which im bein led. to experience growth, i must let go of old ideas. i must live in today. avoidance is not the key; surrender opens the door. i get to live through regret takin steps toward liberation and strength. 1 day @ a time...