my daily reflections…

when troubled times come today i aint gotta obsess over em to the point where a drink will take the fear of em away. recovery has provided options for me that may have always been available, i just made the choice to use my self-will to try to solve em. and i was rarely, if ever, successful. bein as alcoholic as i am and was back in the days of doin my dirt, i always sought out the quick relief from what ev pained me in any way. alcohol & drugs seemed to always fill that hole that i needed to solve the problems i had so i wouldnt have to face em head on. the quick fix, the instant degree of inner peace, to take my mind away from me, thats the happiness i looked for. as i started to live the recovery i was learnin to understand, i started gradually metamorphosizin into different avenues for relief from my immediate obsessions, frets, impatience, and worry, so i didnt have to feel my problems. recovery, and those in the rooms were teachin me other methods that did not involve ways of tearin my life apart. of course, honesty was one of those ways. the spiritual laws i was learnin, and tryin to familiarize myself with, puttin into practice concepts that were new and strange, gave me happiness and peace of mind each time i surrendered. but it truly was, honesty that i needed to use, so i could become humble enough to give up and let my HP do what He needed so i could grow and learn. i aint tryin to say pride or ego were negative, because if i used em properly, humility could and did come from them. i could use each to see how the new reality i was livin, and am still livin today, would allow me to use the intelligence i had in new and better, healthy, self-gratifyin ways. slowly happiness and inner peace come when i let go and let God help me. balance and a quiet calmness help me to be useful for others, and myself, when a healthy sense of pride and ego are used. instead of fearin what is beautiful and just, i get to accept it and live alongside it. today i pray over the things that i used to drink over, and happiness and peace of mind are the result. 1 day @ a time...