in my youth i had started to develop a loneliness that only grew as my life went forward. to say it never tortured me would straight up be story tellin ya. i reckon, it was somethin that i just tolerated or came to terms with as i used alcohol and drugs to sooth it. and just as this mornins readin suggest, the more i used, the more my action and behavior became worse, people began to cut me off further isolatin me from human interaction. as the acceptance i felt i never received as a young child was worsened with low self-esteem, as i began to feel that nobody truly cared, and as my self-pity flourished, the feelin that i would never belong, advanced and progressed too. i reckon it does me no good to express how loneliness ravaged me throughout my days of doin my dirt, and still can while in my recovery, i reckon the better message is what i do when the emotion of loneliness comes and tries to dig in deep today. i understand that i have options as to how to act or react today, good, or bad. surely when wrapped in my spiritual malady of self, the bad personality is in control. havin practiced this thing we do as best as i can today, ive become a different person. it doesnt mean im wiped clean and white as a new fallen snow because i do, at times, go back and forth, and am often always in conflict with self. i understand that this division is not good; i must use what recovery has taught me so i may somehow become unified. i get to do this by givin of myself wholeheartedly to my HP, recovery and to service toward others. when i am a good and faithful servant, servin my HP and recovery unobtrusively and faithfully, bearin myself bravely, workin toward livin with a smilin face, my spiritual life, which is a life of joy and peace, grows beyond lonesomeness. with a clearer vision today, i see that i am one step further along the spiritual path than simply bein with my HP. as i emphasize the powers of my imagination and vision, i get to exercise my hope and faith which enables me to demonstrate the incredible feats i have overcome in my life. the spiritual awareness i am able to create brings me new ideas about the spiritual experience i get to live. new ways of livin these revelations and a new understandin of my daily dance with my HP, others, and myself are shown with self-confidence. i become safe, relaxed, and trustworthy as i learn to be there for myself in healthy, balanced, ways. as pain and emotional turmoil may still be the touchstone of my spiritual progress, i dont have to stay stuck sufferin today, serenity, peace of mind, and self-confidence overcome self-pity and loneliness. as the zeitgeber of my recovery evolves and grows, the gritty pain of my alcoholism becomes the traction of recovery that leads me to the prayer and meditation that gives solution to the pollution. 1 day @ a time...
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corn fed not inbred michigan white trash...

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