i still get struck at times with periods of procrastination today. often times i fool or lie to myself usin the excuse that if i wait and not rush into shit, relyin on self, the answers will come. prayer can be one of those occasions when my self-will steps in and i try to figure everythin out on my own power forgettin that my knowledge is limited by my wisdom. just because i may think i know somethin doesnt mean i have the wisdom i think i do. i can recall as a young un always puttin shit off til later with the thought that i would take care of it sometime in the future freein myself up to, “live the life right now.” how foolish was i as a young un. well, today is the time that i am older and must take care of the responsibilities i should have taken care of when i truly had the time. those youthful actions and naivety are lessons to me today when i put off the prayer i need to sustain my daily life, that often times i suffer unwittingly. prayer is good for me; it is a tool of my recovery that allows me to honestly seek the answers i need when, even as i would rather procrastinate because of fear of the unknown, i must take care of. bein given the freedom today to be able to make mistakes, learnin from trial and error, success, or failure, i have to remind myself that procrastination is often a self-willed desire that usually harms others or myself in the future. today i try not to do shit intentionally that tomorrow ima hafta make an amends for. if i wanna reflect my HPs power and strength, facin the shit that is right in front of me right now, is the way to act and behave with prayer so i dont limit myself with ego, fear, or self-will. i may not receive the answers i want or need when i ask my HP for His guidance, but if i step from self with humility and ask, the answers will come in His time. the key for me is to get the fuck busy and ask with prayer as it is a safety net recovery provides for me. doin the right thing, prayin, when nobody even knows, shows me my faith and my character. spiritual awareness comes to me when i humbly dance in the light of my HP with prayer. its always better for me to see clearly, awaitin His reply, when i ask for His direction first. and doesnt steps 2 and 3 teach me to have and use hope and faith? just cause ive have grown accustomed to worryin bout shit, controllin my behavior and thoughts doesnt mean i cannot use recovery to be free of an anxiety that always leaves me feelin empty. my HP will help me walk my journey when i am welcome to the irenic guidance of His answer. growth is realized when i no longer play Gods will the way i want to. bitter lessons have provided me the wisdom me that when i refuse to place God first, i deprive myself of spiritual awareness and His help. 1 day @ a time...
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