it was quite the proposition to me to admit that i needed to tell another the exact nature of my wrongs. sure, it may have been easy to honestly ask God to help me, but actually be honest in tellin another? that was gonna be hard to do. and it was. i could pray and tell my HP all this shit because i had no real faith. even as i was cultivatin a relationship with Him, i didnt feel the consequences from Him after throwin my shit out to Him could be as devastatin as tellin another. tellin another person would expose me mannn. it let another in who had the potential to hold me accountable and make me suffer consequences. as both relationships, with my HP and sponsor were growin, trustin either was still in infancy. listenin to others, i gained enough understandin that sharin my personal dig into who i was, was another first step in growin my humility and addin a lil integrity to my character. knowin what i had done and how i felt about it through my personal inventory, i broke my will and shared with my sponsor what i had found. i recall his response wasnt what i thought it would be. i remember i didnt hear what i told him from others in some underhanded sly way. i also recall not knowin how to feel after i told him what i wanted to share with him in our first inventory meetin. he shared with me things that related to his first personal inventory and how he felt afterward after his tell to his sponsor. it gave me a sense of ease. rememberin what i had left behind me when i came into the rooms seekin help, tended to make the tell to my sponsor easier too. the honesty i shared with him, the hope i could make this thing we do work, and the different kind of faith & courage i was learnin to live with and use, were also very helpful in my tell. i could feel a sense of ownership within, which did seem to alarm me, i thought, but wasnt that what bein responsible was posed to do? i reckon it was God workin within me to bring about the change recovery offered. this willingness to be vulnerable was all another step in healin my heart, mind, and soul, i felt i could no longer evade. 1 day @ a time...
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