my sponsor helped me see what i had written in my personal inventory with clarity. he helped me understand the misconceptions i had and the areas where i had let my self-centered fear guide my thinkin and behavior while out doin my dirt and while writin my inventory out. it wasnt that i had written down things that were wrong, its that my perception of the way shit had happened was skewed to the way i wanted it to look. even as i was as honest as i could be while writin it out i had written shit down that had made me out to be the victim or the hero in many instances. i needed to recognize the character defects, shortcomins, and character assets in each area of my inventory. these were things i couldnt see or even understand due to my own point of view. there were instances where the things that had happened were placed in categories that didnt honestly align. i need to reiterate that what i had written wasnt wrong, it was my experience, i lived it, i had just rationalized or justified my behaviors in each. he helped me see and understand how humility, fearlessness, and honesty, in the sense i had found it had been influenced by ego, false pride, fear, corruption, and ultimately, disloyalty and deception of self and my reality. until i had shared it with my sponsor, i could not continue the healin process recovery offered. this tell was instrumental in helpin me break my unhealthy thinkin which influenced my behavior. it was a healthy way to learn how to behave in ways that were helpful and healthy so i could change my thinkin accordingly. i was able to start allowin my HP to guide my behavior in choices that would produce good outcomes. i learned i couldnt build a reputation on what i was sayin i was gonna do, but instead, doin it without expressin it verbally, or explanation first. when i made these changes i could build a reputation for a healthy and beneficial reality. i could actually use what i had learned to live happy, joyous, and free. i could celebrate my failure and success. i learned how self-discipline was an ability to make me do what i should do, when i should do it, whether i feel like it or not. 1 day @ a time...
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