my daily reflections…

on a day such as today, my birthday, as tough as it may still be today to not live out my self-will, i have an account through personal inventory, which provides knowledge, experience, and wisdom of just what my self-will can do for me. workin toward livin a new way of life today urges me to use the spiritual awareness i gain from the continued practice of daily personal inventory, prayer, and meditation to live past my self-will and endeavor to persevere livin my HPs will over mine. it is the times each mornin and evenin when i get to humble myself and look beyond me to seek His will so as i may move forward beyond joel. often times when havin difficulty overcomin self, a quick reread of the pages 86-88 in the big book help to remind me how i need to live forward. when i try to live by my will, i set up an unreal world for me and i try to live it. soon afterward, real life bitchslaps me back to reality so i may learn and understand that each attempt at escape from what recovery has taught me, weakens my personality by the very attempt to live by self alone, makin life harder than ever because i alone do not have the resources with which to meet it. and isnt it so powerful that the pages mentioned prior teach me not to run away or become the imagineer of a false reality, but rather face reality humbly with honesty, hope, and faith. in the times of quiet meditation, tryin to set my hopes on the grace of my HP, requestin that His will be done, i get to place my ambitions and will on a higher plane of grace rather than on my material self. it is with the insight into His perceived will for me that the greater value of the things of the spirit are seen and felt within. as acceptance flows in, today, i get to accept my life as it is, findin simple joy in what i should with His will. sometimes i find that i dont need anythin else to be happy, joyous, and free. as i work to implement what i find with the humility and honesty His will helps me with, my personal goals or want to improve my life is made easier. i dont have to set myself to feel the backlash of livin out my self-will, but rather learn that happiness is part of the journey, not some distant destination. with spiritual awareness, i dont have to make or live in my own misery today. i get to live with gratitude, givin and sharin the gifts of spiritual awareness ive been handed. 1 day @ a time...