when i practice the serenity prayer, as short as it is, i get to know that there is more to the way i manage any given situation than what has actually been presented to me. alcohol taught me its power and strength as i allowed it to allow my self-centeredness to show its ass. with inventory, a hard, honest, look at joel, i was able to learn how i allowed myself to be influenced by the things i had no control over yet tried with all my might to control. learnin acceptance took me to a place that showed me the shit i had always done when tryin to control the world around me, that had always left me confused, frustrated, or angry. these emotions had me reactin to the stimulus around me with behaviors which affected those around me negatively. if i was to truly use the faith and trust i had been newly introduced to, the behaviors and thinkin i had used to try to make shit bend to my will, wouldnt have always been such a futile attempt. i couldve simply given it up to Him. how could have i been so blind? how couldve i allowed myself to rage out of control and try to change things to my likin? i needed to understand how alcohol allowed my character and personality to display the childish person within. growth away from the person i used to be is the result of an earnest look at the child like behaviors and thinkin. ive heard it said in the rooms that if another had treated me the way i had treated the world around me, they would have reacted to it just as i used to, with resentment and self-centered fear, actin out my worst selfish behaviors toward it. as ive practiced my recovery ive realized there is little i can do personally to affect or, even, control the shit beyond me. ive learned the only thing, the only person, i had to truly accept and take control of, was myself with my HPs help. today, i understand how givin up the shit i have no control over to my HP provides me a freedom i always wanted but could never get. today, i get to live free when i practice the spiritual solutions with what ive learned about myself through recovery. i get to be given strength to face what life presents me fearlessly. i get to willingly accept and face my past, present, and future with the courage, strength, and freedom, He provides. 1 day @ a time...
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corn fed not inbred michigan white trash...

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