my daily reflections…

when i went through my 4th step personal moral inventory with my sponsor, we discussed the many opportunities id had to give, but instead took. we discussed how my selfishness and self-centered fears wouldnt allow me to give. because of the emotional harm i suffered as a child, i learned how i had to try to protect myself. how i had always felt leery toward others, and how i carried that hurt with me for a very long time. it fostered other character defects and shortcomins that in turn helped to develop into alcoholism. i learned i was unable to give because i had developed the idea that since i felt i had been taken from in my youth by God and others in my life, others owed me. i turned into a greedy person. i felt like if i couldnt get what i needed, id just take it. i learned that everybody has a story to tell. i may have had difficulties in my childhood and teen years, that some had it better, and some had it worse, but it was time for me to grow up and move past those resentments. they were what had always caused me the most troubles throughout my life. it was time i started tryin to give instead of havin my hand out all the time. it meant i had to start bein responsible for myself and acceptin the consequences of my actions, whether i felt like i needed to or not. i learned that not all that happened to me in my youth may not have been my fault, or anothers, it was how i had always dealt with it that shaped my future, and my life. recovery taught me that in order to receive, i had to learn how to give. when i came into the rooms, people i had never known before were givin me the forgiveness and love i had always craved. i thought they were up to somethin. why else would they try to be so friendly? isnt that the way id always been when tryin to get somethin fer nothin? their givin souls taught me how to give without expectation of return. their gifts of kindness showed me how i needed to be if i wanted what they had. today i get the anonymous gift of kindness and try to give it away as much as i can. it gives me an inner happiness i cannot explain in words. ive learned wisdom arises from the sharin of concerned, intelligent people. 1 day @ a time...