my daily reflections…

i aint even gonna try to redefine the word harm. this mornins daily does a mighty fine job of definin it, i cant add any more. what i can do is tell of the ways in which i caused collisions in the relationships i had while out doin my dirt. how i harmed others. things which caused others to suffer physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual damage. i used each of the spiritual principles contained within the 12 steps and traditions as a battle ax against others. and not just insignificant people, or passersby, but my family and those who did give me love unconditionally. i used honesty as a way to lie without regard to how others could or would move past my lies. it was done dishonestly and without regard. i stole from people their hope, their dreams, and their future. when i reassured them, they would be safe, i used that faith to take even more. i used a steely eyed sense of courage that was never there, or even within me. i used that steely eye to fake integrity i did not deserve. i willingly said whatever was required to get from others what i wanted, even if in the end, it hurt me. i could fake humility and back it with more fake ass integrity. if there was ever a show of brotherly love, it was only to get past the next treacherous event i, alone, had caused. justice was dealt with the hand of hatred and anger, one i had honed and nurtured from my childhood. even as i may have felt justice deep within, it was somethin i was too cowardly to do. i would use perseverance to only continue the wantful wish to think others couldnt see who or what i was within. as long as i got what i wanted, no matter how long it took. i would use awareness to brag myself up, even as i felt the world was tearin me down. it was a fantastic opportunity to use the poor mes to harm another. and service, i only served self. if one was good, two was better. how could i get another to give me what i wanted. these i say are truths i learned about me and how i used each principle to make myself feel good no matter the cost to another. i had dropped out, and i didnt care about myself or another. these are only a small amount of the harms i did to friends, family, and self. recovery has shown me a way to live beyond. 1 day @ a time...