aint nobody can kick my ass better than i can myself. when takin the honest look at my 4th, 5th, and 8th steps, i was able to discern just how much damage i had done to my own emotional, psychological, behavioral, and spiritual well-bein. i couldnt see it in the days of doin my dirt. my alcoholism wouldnt let me feel it. when i started feelin it in the latter days, all i had to do was take my whiskey jug outta the freezer and start pullin on it. when ego, self-centered fear, or selfishness started makin me feel the guilt i had over the shit i had done, good ol whiskey solved the problem. then i would pile on more as i would show my ass while all fucked up. there soon came a time when i couldnt differentiate between the false or reality. i would believe my own story tellin and live as someone i wasnt within. lookin at all the shit i had done to others brought on the guilt, shame, and remorse which led me further down the rabbit hole. i would beat the fuck outta myself emotionally and drive myself further into my alcoholism. in my early recovery, without alcohol, i had to learn how to deal with all that shit. to say i was a pleasant person while learnin durin my 1st year of recovery, would be leadin ya down more story tellin. what i did experience was, as i tried my best to practice what i was learnin, honesty, hope and faith, bein essential, much of the anger, self-loathin, loneliness, and self-pity did slowly go to my HP. by the time i had come to this step, with small gains in spirituality, i needed my sponsor, trusted friends in recovery, and my HP more than ever. i knew alcohol was just outside the door, so i leaned on each to help me. livin past the emotional harm i had done to self, helped to prepare me for the justice of step 9. faith, willingness, and humility, were needed assets and i found the value within the 3 spiritual principles. i learned i couldnt control what would happen when i did make my amends, but i could control the way i internalized em. if i wanted to genuinely right the harm i had done to others, like much in my recovery, i had to heal myself 1st. wisely and slowly, with attitude adjustment, within the daily changes, i discovered emotional security & stability. 1 day @ a time...
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corn fed not inbred michigan white trash...

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