my daily reflections…

i still battle my self-will after some time in recovery. as the big book clearly says, “...for alcohol is a subtle foe. we are not cured of alcoholism.” it continues to say, “...for we are not burnin up energy foolishly as we did when we were tryin to arrange life to suit ourselves.” it also says, “...we are not to be the hasty and foolish martyr who would needlessly sacrifice others to save himself from the alcoholic pit.” what my task here today is, is to live with a spiritual experience. but this does not mean i wont still suffer from some of my character defects and shortcomins. what ive learned over the years is that i havent been gifted a life pure as the driven snow. what ive been gifted with is a solution to a life that uses what recovery teaches me, to understand how i can live through, and past, the peelin of the onion, or layers that come up from nowhere. sometimes these violent emotional twists that appear, may send my emotions into a free fall, but what i need to remember is that me tryin to control em aint gonna help me. when these upheavals come, rather than try to let them run me into behaviors and thinkin that harm me or others, i can experience em, as God has intended. as i experience my basic, God gifted, human emotions, i can pray about em, meditate for his intuitive voice within, and most importantly, discuss em with my sponsor or trusted friends in recovery to see if what ive interpreted from my HP, is on track or not, and let em go. its an opportunity for me to show others how i use recovery and my HP to live the change recovery offers. it is an opportunity to prove to myself that each of the spiritual principles in recovery are solid foundations i can use to continue to grow my personal spiritual experience. i will never be as my HP, but that shit dont mean i cant continue to learn how to progress to be. gettin well, like anythin else in my life that has been good for me, takes time. it takes patience, willingness to fail and succeed, and the humility to do so. i dint get 6330 days the 1st day i walked into the rooms. when doesnt a thoughtful word of love, a selfless reconciliation, and a kind act of helpfulness toward others, or myself, bring God closer. 1 day @ a time...