my daily reflections…

fear, especially when its based-on self-centeredness, will have me dancin round, doin all kinds of shit, so i aint gotta face whats right in front of me. i dont want others to know whats really goin on within me. nor do i want to have to explain it. i dont want to be made vulnerable, then responsible, then held accountable, for how i feel or why im doin what im doin. so, if i can avoid confrontation, especially when my selfishness is affected, i will procrastinate and delay what ev is within im tryin to protect. protectin the shit within that doesnt want to become exposed, becomes paramount to my existence. this is a fact, even with years behind me in recovery. its why this step, 9, and each of the steps precedin are so important in breakin my ego and false pride. if im honest with myself, i get an opportunity to gain hope that i can move forward to healin, for others and myself. usin faith i get to give what is buggin the shit outta me, usually fear, to my HP. from this i gain the courage to see why, or what my fears are. i then get to tell another these fears, further gainin the integrity needed. it takes willingness to open up to vulnerability, its why humility becomes so important. i get to use each of the precedin to open up the doors of antipathy within so i can let the spirit of the sun lighten the recesses of my heart, mind, body, and soul. fear doesnt stand a chance in hell when my spiritual awareness drives my spiritual experience, or vise-versa. i get to use Gods grace in the strength i receive, the love i know, and the peace i have with confidence and surety. i get to boldly walk up to the face of my fear and calmly put it to rest with the justice of step 9. i get to expose my fear, becomin liable for harms i mayve done to others and self. i get to resign to my basic human nature with a resolution to work toward a mutual solution. as i show how ive matured toward culpability, i lessen the sufferin of those i love and myself. these are the positives of cognitive behavioral change. life is full of change, growth is optional, i must choose how to use change and growth wisely. i cant truly control change but can choose to use whatever happens for growth within. continuous action changes shit; when i get busy, i get better. life is gonna happen, my sufferin through it is optional. 1 day @ a time...