my daily reflections…

in prior attempts to get sober i couldnt do it. im not really sure why, but i reckon it was any of the normal reasons i see others go out and come back into the rooms. maybe i had those reservations, maybe i was too full of self, maybe i hadnt reached a sufficient bottom enough to keep alcohol out of my mouth, maybe the compulsion or obsession was too strong. what ev the reason, i drank again. havin now been in recovery fer a couple of days, ive watched others who couldnt stay sober and in recovery. for what ev reason, they go back out to try it again. hell man, i got a call from a friend the other evenin whose sponsee went back out for another run. this guy that went back to try it again, is one hell of a man when sober and practicin recovery. its been my experience that we are. it was just another lesson for me to pay mind to. i reckon today, just as the day i walked into the rooms this last time, ive come to understand that i can never become a cucumber again. watchin others, just like my friends sponsee, within no time, i would be just as bad as when i walked into the rooms years ago. i must remain vigilant when it comes to practicin my recovery. i must remain responsible for practicin the 12 spiritual principles. i remember what i left out there and i dont want to go back to those pitiful days. if it means not takin that 1st drink, if it means gettin my ass to a meetin, if it means callin my sponsor or other trusted friend in recovery, if it means prayer & meditation, mannn, i gotta do it. it is vigilance in action when i am watchful for the character defects and shortcomins ive worked so hard to overcome. im never gonna be immune to the power of my alcoholism, but i can be aware of the stinkin thinkin and behaviors that beg me to take that next 1st drink. when i am, i stand a chance against what i left to get what i have today. when i follow the dictates of my next right conscience, i get to follow the inner urgin of my soul my HP instills. 1 day @ a time...