essential to my recovery today was the buildin of my relationship with my HP through steps 2 & 3. i had learned through steps 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, & 9, how self, had always had me reactin to situations i tried to control and even thought i was, but truly never did, made me behave and think causin harm to other and self. i feel today like havin the start of a relationship with my HP through steps 2 & 3 gave me alternatives to look at before even gettin into to da nitty gritty of 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, & 9. i had to understand that self-centeredness, anger, and fear, could be let loose of if i maintained a growin and ever evolvin relationship with my HP. i needed to look at and face the character that had been nurtured and developed over years of loneliness and self-pity. i had to understand how these self-produced and enhanced, piss poor fundamentals of life, had created a person who could not rely upon another, let alone a HP. even if of my own conception. i was able to watch clearly and carefully what was goin on around me in the rooms. as my revelations of how to change my life and live the change recovery was offerein, a rel with an HP of my conception was becomin evident. i needed to watch others make mistakes and assimilate what others were livin through as they came in and out of the rooms, listen to those who had come into the rooms before me, and bounce shit off my sponsor, so i could see and understand the shit they were doin or had been through were circumstances and situations i had experienced and was doomed to repeat if i didnt make drastic changes in my life. i learned i couldnt get anythin back or change the direction i was headed or stop drinkin so long as i placed dependence upon other people, especially self, ahead of dependence on God. imagine that, a breakin in my ego & pride through a process of spiritual awareness, honesty, open-mindedness, willingness, and integral humility. today as i place first things first, ive grown a relationship with my HP and am conscious of His support in my life today. i get to rest safe and sure therein havin discovered the value of life. i get to keep an ability to see beauty in life open to the stirrin in my soul when i see it. today i am content with what i have in my life. 1 day @ a time...
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