my daily reflections…

for years, i suffered with a severe God problem. i was raised in a southern baptist home and though i had learned of God through sunday school and church, in my later teens i developed a resentment toward the church because of things that were said to me in a church service one sunday night. after that night i never went to another service again unless it was a funeral or weddin. i turned my back on God because i couldnt believe that a pastor could, or ever would, call me out in a service and embarrass me over the clothes i was wearin. i didnt grow up rich with money and ma provided what she could. i thought why would a man, a pastor at a church, say those things to a teenager who couldnt even get a job or provide for himself. before then i had heard many of the principles of religion and tried to live em as best as i could. but after that, i was all like fuck God, fuck church, and fuck religion. early in my recovery i made amends to God and started tryin to live the spiritual principles as best i could. i learned it wasnt God who said those things to me, it was man. and man is fallible, just as i still am. today i do not go to church, but i do practice a spiritual program of recovery. since my early recovery ive worked hard at buildin a relationship with my HP. that relationship is strong and the awareness i gain from it help me through each day. i dont know if i will ever become a member of a church in the future or not, but i do know i aint afraid to use the spiritual principles which may coincide along religion. i cannot live this life forward without the help of God today. i need Him to lean on when i am not around recovery. 1 day @ a time...