my daily reflections…

honesty has many facets to it that were hard to conceptualize when i first came into the rooms. i was tasked to keep shit simple then and that alone was an exercise in self-control. it was with a willingness to let go and try to let God, that i learned small bits of self-honesty and how willingness worked with open-mindedness. i had to remember i was the one that brought me to the rooms. ridin the blame train while playin the blame game, had to stop. acceptance of the simple facts which brought me to the halfway house i was livin in, brought humility to the honesty i was learnin about. how could i accept the situations i was facin? how could i live in the circumstance i found myself in? honesty, self-honesty, meant i had to accept that i had been a liar, not only to others, but to myself. honesty meant i had to look at the facts as they truly were. i could no longer try sneakin my magic, thinkin i was gettin over on others or myself. i learned early that when i was tryin to fool other people, i was also foolin myself. i learned every lie i told and try to live into reality was like a knot. i had tied myself to a tangled mess, my life had become unmanageable, a tangled web of life. my sponsor helped me turn all this into a malleable, easily influenced; pliable, action. honesty took work, but with the help of those who had come before me it began to take root. as bad as i wanted to turn inward, i could see how that old pattern of behavior would not help me live forward toward a changed lifestyle. i used those feelins to form a foundation upon which increased emotional health and therefore spiritual progress could be built. today, many years away from those early times of recovery, i still work with self-honesty. i can say, its so much easier today. ive learned how to accept my present circumstances. honesty, open-mindedness, willingness, acceptance, humility, and integrity, means doin the next right thing, whether i want to or not. 1 day @ a time...